Iāve been told by many Iām hard to read. Itās always baffles me because Iāve thought of myself as an open book. After over a year of Self Work I try to speak whatās on my mind and be better with my communication. I project honesty because I would want the same in return. I want to be able to live and thrive successfully and humbly. To be genuine and true to myself and others.
So here we go
YEAR 29
Chapter One
For the past few months I've hit an interesting point in my life. Maybe a crossroadā¦Maybe something deeper than I could ever imagine. Especially in the past few weeks. Iāve always been the person with everything to say but lately life has been leaving me speechless. Life is incredible but complicated at the same time. I'm having a hard time sorting through my thoughts and I feel like I've been over analyzing so much. I have so much to be thankful for but I can't help but want more. I need more. That's how I know it's important because I care.
Itās a blessing and a curse to feel so passionately. To live so passionately. People ask me how I do it.
How I have so much energyā¦ How I live so in the moment.
Well hereās my secretā¦itās because I died. I died when I was 5. I drowned and was revived.
When you experience the other side there is no going back. You wake up and everything is different. You canāt explain itā¦ you can only feel it. You understand it.
Afterward all you know is love. Love for your life. Love for yourself. Happiness. True Passion.
With true passion though comes hate, jealousy, and ego. Something you are always trying to be above.
I truly love lifeā¦Whole heartitly.
I love growing, changing, and evolving. I love even the messy parts. Granted those parts are irritating. Iāll admit though that I love the pain because itās reminds me that Iām alive. That something/someone can make me feel something so powerful. Passion is powerful. I thrive on my passions. It feeds the fire that keep my heart pumping with tenacity and drive.
I have emotional baggage. Anyone who is interesting does. That's why I go to therapy. To help me work through my trauma so I can be my best person... Also to keep my ego in check
Now with all of this all I know is how to be me. Iām not afraid of who I am . Iām not afraid to be the person I am. Despite how others perceive me.
IāM NOT AFRAID TO FEEL POSITIVELY OR NEGATIVELY
IāM NOT AFRAID TO HURT
IāM NOT AFRAID TO DO WHAT IT TAKES
IāM NOT AFRAID TO DIE
it sucks but Iāve Been thereā¦ Iāve done that.
Iād rather live my life chasing my dreams then living in a real nightmare of not ever attempting them.
The only thing Iām afraid of is not living my true life. I'm afraid of not being loved for who I truly am.
I'm not perfect. Far from it actually but I'm not afraid of admitting when I'm wrong and I'm not afraid of doing what's right.
I'm blunt, opinionated, and sometimes a total asshole.
I won't be pushed around. I don't play games.
The most precious thing to me is time. I only spend mine doing the things that light my soul on fire.
So here's the deal... Iām only human. A very tiny woman with way too much personality. Iāve always been this way and it's something I can't change. I'm an independent person. I work hard and my work ethic is everything to me.. My train of thought is different and my expectation for myself/others close to me is as well. I only want to surround myself with energy that will help me continue to rise. I have no time and energy to waste on people who donāt want to elevate themselves as well.
Iām not in competition with anyone but the person I strive to be. Iām in competition with me. I want happiness and success to all of those who exude the same energy as me.
I am confident because I have respect and support from people who love me. I also have respect for myself.
If I truly want something Iāll get it. If thereās will, thereās definitely a way. The only thing that's stopping me is me.
Sometimes it's hard when others try to bring me down to a petty level. I'm not here for negativity. So I do what I always do, rise above and try to be better. Don't sink lower rise above.
Negativity isn't even on my radar.
I think thatās what scares people about me.
I'm not here to be like everyone else.
I'm here to stand out.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
billpowerssr:
I love tis blog and you for who you are wouldn't it be AMAZING if more people were like this THANK YOU for being you... MY FAVORITE DECEPTICON BE WELL YOUNG LADY and Thank you for sharing !!!
voltaire:
I about dying. Itās happened to me, and this is an excellent description.