INDIFFERENCE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE
Why, at certain times, is it so hard for us guys to be ourselves around women? Why is it that we avoid talking to women were interested in purely because theres the chance that the interaction MIGHT not go the way we want it to? Andy, why, when talking to girls, do we tell them what we think they want to hear so as to not cause any waves or make them look down on us? The answer to all of those questions is quite simple actually. BECAUSE WE CARE WAY TOO MUCH!! We are so invested in the undetermined outcome of the opportunity at hand that we dont even tryand if we do try, we play it safe by doing anything and everything that we think will make her like us more without ever escalating. This, my friend, gets us NOWHERE.
I understand that not giving a fuck may be easier said than done for some people at least when it comes to women. Nevertheless, I think everyone in the world has the capacity for apathy, when it comes to AT LEAST one area of our existence. Unless youre some super sensitive bleeding-heart, I think its pretty much impossible to truly invest your soul into every single mechanism of life. Example: the lottery.
Just about everybody would like to win the lottery, no? That kind of return on investment would be one of the most badass things ever, in my opinion. Now, I dont play the lottery, which is why I will never win the lottery, but lets pretend for a second I did, and maybe some of you out there that do play can attest.
Okay, so every Friday I go down to the 7-Eleven and purchase my weekly Lotto ticket. I think about how much that weeks jackpot is and of course the bigger it is, the more excited I get. I imagine what it would be like to win all that money and fantasize about all the things I could do with it. Its one of those things that would be so unbelievably awesome and would completely change my life forever. HOWEVER, I pick my numbers, buy my ticket, then carry on with my day, and if I turn on the news the following evening to check my numbers, Im I really going to care if I dont win? Probably not. As killer as it would be to cash in, losing the lottery isnt going to put a damper on my day/week/month in the slightest. I am indifferent to losing because my investment is so minimal.
Im sure there has to be something similar to this in your life, and, coincidentally, this is the exact same mindset one needs to have when engaging women. To walk up to a woman and say something takes very little effort. Its not at all a huge investment, so it would be silly of me to get too bent out of shape if/when it doesnt pay off at least its better than not playin the game at all. So Im not really going to sweat it too much.
But, besides personal peace of mind, what are the real benefits to indifference? Good question. Simply put, it gives you the freedom to play by your own rules. Its one aspect of being Socially Selfish. When youre out, your only job is to lookout for no.1 and ensure your own personal enjoyment. That's not to say, you don't try to make the most out of the person you're talking to's night as well, but always ask yourself, Is this pleasing me? and if its not, do one/both of the following:
Call it out.
Move on.
Its your investment. If you find yourself aboard a sinking ship, its your responsibility to either repair the leak or jump overboard. And its all based on whether or not you feel its worth your time and effort. Its your call. Do what YOU want to do, and talk about what YOU want to talk about, and bring people into YOUR world.
Just the other night I was taking part in a social gathering. Within four minutes of chatting with one particular woman, we were talking about the first time a girl ever stuck her finger up my ass during sex. It was a funny, interesting story and it quickly allowed me to transition the conversation to where I wanted to take it. If I wanted to have talked about penguins with the girl, I would have asked her if she had seen Happy Feet and go from there. If she cant get on board, Im going to call her out on it and if I have to Im completely prepared to go find someone else who CAN join in.
In my experience, most women are very open and comfortable talking about almost anythingas long as YOU are comfortable bringing it up. Women want a man who knows who he is and knows what he will and will not stand for. Confidence is the sexiest thing you can convey to a woman. Stop worrying what people are thinking and start making yourself happy. Its your world, everyone else is just livin in it. Its that indifference that makes all the difference.
Indeed.
Why, at certain times, is it so hard for us guys to be ourselves around women? Why is it that we avoid talking to women were interested in purely because theres the chance that the interaction MIGHT not go the way we want it to? Andy, why, when talking to girls, do we tell them what we think they want to hear so as to not cause any waves or make them look down on us? The answer to all of those questions is quite simple actually. BECAUSE WE CARE WAY TOO MUCH!! We are so invested in the undetermined outcome of the opportunity at hand that we dont even tryand if we do try, we play it safe by doing anything and everything that we think will make her like us more without ever escalating. This, my friend, gets us NOWHERE.
I understand that not giving a fuck may be easier said than done for some people at least when it comes to women. Nevertheless, I think everyone in the world has the capacity for apathy, when it comes to AT LEAST one area of our existence. Unless youre some super sensitive bleeding-heart, I think its pretty much impossible to truly invest your soul into every single mechanism of life. Example: the lottery.
Just about everybody would like to win the lottery, no? That kind of return on investment would be one of the most badass things ever, in my opinion. Now, I dont play the lottery, which is why I will never win the lottery, but lets pretend for a second I did, and maybe some of you out there that do play can attest.
Okay, so every Friday I go down to the 7-Eleven and purchase my weekly Lotto ticket. I think about how much that weeks jackpot is and of course the bigger it is, the more excited I get. I imagine what it would be like to win all that money and fantasize about all the things I could do with it. Its one of those things that would be so unbelievably awesome and would completely change my life forever. HOWEVER, I pick my numbers, buy my ticket, then carry on with my day, and if I turn on the news the following evening to check my numbers, Im I really going to care if I dont win? Probably not. As killer as it would be to cash in, losing the lottery isnt going to put a damper on my day/week/month in the slightest. I am indifferent to losing because my investment is so minimal.
Im sure there has to be something similar to this in your life, and, coincidentally, this is the exact same mindset one needs to have when engaging women. To walk up to a woman and say something takes very little effort. Its not at all a huge investment, so it would be silly of me to get too bent out of shape if/when it doesnt pay off at least its better than not playin the game at all. So Im not really going to sweat it too much.
But, besides personal peace of mind, what are the real benefits to indifference? Good question. Simply put, it gives you the freedom to play by your own rules. Its one aspect of being Socially Selfish. When youre out, your only job is to lookout for no.1 and ensure your own personal enjoyment. That's not to say, you don't try to make the most out of the person you're talking to's night as well, but always ask yourself, Is this pleasing me? and if its not, do one/both of the following:
Call it out.
Move on.
Its your investment. If you find yourself aboard a sinking ship, its your responsibility to either repair the leak or jump overboard. And its all based on whether or not you feel its worth your time and effort. Its your call. Do what YOU want to do, and talk about what YOU want to talk about, and bring people into YOUR world.
Just the other night I was taking part in a social gathering. Within four minutes of chatting with one particular woman, we were talking about the first time a girl ever stuck her finger up my ass during sex. It was a funny, interesting story and it quickly allowed me to transition the conversation to where I wanted to take it. If I wanted to have talked about penguins with the girl, I would have asked her if she had seen Happy Feet and go from there. If she cant get on board, Im going to call her out on it and if I have to Im completely prepared to go find someone else who CAN join in.
In my experience, most women are very open and comfortable talking about almost anythingas long as YOU are comfortable bringing it up. Women want a man who knows who he is and knows what he will and will not stand for. Confidence is the sexiest thing you can convey to a woman. Stop worrying what people are thinking and start making yourself happy. Its your world, everyone else is just livin in it. Its that indifference that makes all the difference.
Indeed.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
titz:
What do you mean by that exactly?
manduh:
I've gotta agree w/ you on this one. More people need to be who they really are instead of putting up a front and feeling that other person out that they're into and adapting for that person so they'll like them. That's way too much extra work to be fake. Women like it when men are open and upfront. And hell yes confidence is sexy on a man. But there is a difference w/ being confident and being cocky, if you're cocky you're gonna lose the girl's attention. Why the fuck is it so hard for people to be comfortable w/ who they really are? Great blog!