After reading the last tear-stained missive, I came to a frustrating, but healthy conclusion:
As amazing as the woman I fell in love with may be, in her absence, I have built her up to almost mythic proportions. She went from a love interest to the only one who could satisfy me. She went from beautiful to the most beautiful woman ever. She became the only person with whom I'd ever had anything in common. Sound like mental illness? Of course it does!
Romantic love is akin to short term insanity, and I'm cool with that. One should be divorced from the rational at times. Fortunately, life is not all paying bills and Ayn Rand novels. Fall in love. Smoke a joint. Listen to a Sonic Youth record or dig a Jodorowsky film. It's good for you to embrace the Dionysian from time to time, and don't kid yourself, love is as captivating and judgement-altering as dope. As the late, great, Hunter S. Thompson advised, "Buy the ticket. Take the ride."
Just the same, I've put this poor woman on so high a pedestal, that were I to weasel my way back into her life, she could never live up to my wacky expectations. Funny how that works. In effect, it began and ended in my head, which would be funny if it weren't true. Funny how THAT works.
Heartbreak isn't so bad, either. For me, it's the Apollonian part of the equation. In many ways, heartbreak is the best thing that's happened to me since the last heartbreak. I pushes me to write, play music, read books, get a happening wardrobe, and get into shape. I dare say that I'm in better mental and physical shape than before I went off the deep end for a pretty girl.
Still, I wouldn't change a thing. I stand by my insanity. She was that good.
As amazing as the woman I fell in love with may be, in her absence, I have built her up to almost mythic proportions. She went from a love interest to the only one who could satisfy me. She went from beautiful to the most beautiful woman ever. She became the only person with whom I'd ever had anything in common. Sound like mental illness? Of course it does!
Romantic love is akin to short term insanity, and I'm cool with that. One should be divorced from the rational at times. Fortunately, life is not all paying bills and Ayn Rand novels. Fall in love. Smoke a joint. Listen to a Sonic Youth record or dig a Jodorowsky film. It's good for you to embrace the Dionysian from time to time, and don't kid yourself, love is as captivating and judgement-altering as dope. As the late, great, Hunter S. Thompson advised, "Buy the ticket. Take the ride."
Just the same, I've put this poor woman on so high a pedestal, that were I to weasel my way back into her life, she could never live up to my wacky expectations. Funny how that works. In effect, it began and ended in my head, which would be funny if it weren't true. Funny how THAT works.
Heartbreak isn't so bad, either. For me, it's the Apollonian part of the equation. In many ways, heartbreak is the best thing that's happened to me since the last heartbreak. I pushes me to write, play music, read books, get a happening wardrobe, and get into shape. I dare say that I'm in better mental and physical shape than before I went off the deep end for a pretty girl.
Still, I wouldn't change a thing. I stand by my insanity. She was that good.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Romantic love is akin to short term insanity, and I'm cool with that. One should be divorced from the rational at times.
Wow. This whole entry just left this strangely comforting vibe in my chest. It's good to know I'm not the only one who has fallen into such a trap laden with both misery and lust. It's so easy to place someone on a pedestal when they are no longer present to remind you of their flaws. And heart ache truly must be some wicked muse because this blog post was very moving to read.
To me, the fact that we put the departed on such a high pedestal is fairly simple psychology. Led Zeppelin is so highly revered because they weren't around long enough to make shitty records like their contemporaries, the Rolling Stones. Both were great bands, the only difference being that one was around long enough to show us just how human, and hence fallible, they were. I see no reason why the same shouldn't apply to those with whom we fall in love.
Heartache is a wonderful muse. Just ask Hank Williams, Leonard Cohen, Nick Cave, and countless others!