i've been smoking cigarettes lately and it wierds me out a bit. i haven't actually bought a pack for myself yet, but i've thought about it. it's kinda strange. i've always considered smoking one of the most supremely illogical things you could ever do. even if you're trying to kill yourself, there are much faster ways. but, unfortunately, i think i'm starting to understand cigarettes. they're a prop, a way to fidget without seeming like you're uncomfortable. they're a way to steal a minute or two of peace when you're stuck at work on a busy night. they're a way to sublimate your self destructive urges. wrap them up in two and a half inches of tobacco.
i don't want to be "a smoker" though. i mean, i've never really cared if people around me were doing it, but most of the people whose opinions really count to me think that it's disgusting, so i sneak a cigarette or two at work or at wierd parties, i keep it secret. maybe that's part of it, too... it's nice to have a secret again. as wonderful as it is to share everything with someone, i guess maybe i need something like that, to really feel like myself.
--------------------------------------------
the other night, my girlfriend and i listened to sleep's dopesmoker from start to finish. it was totally fucking ridiculous and a lot of fun. i think we both dozed off at different parts. it was kinda relaxing. we didn't smoke until the last fifteen minutes. it was a pretty good way to spend an hour.
i don't want to be "a smoker" though. i mean, i've never really cared if people around me were doing it, but most of the people whose opinions really count to me think that it's disgusting, so i sneak a cigarette or two at work or at wierd parties, i keep it secret. maybe that's part of it, too... it's nice to have a secret again. as wonderful as it is to share everything with someone, i guess maybe i need something like that, to really feel like myself.
--------------------------------------------
the other night, my girlfriend and i listened to sleep's dopesmoker from start to finish. it was totally fucking ridiculous and a lot of fun. i think we both dozed off at different parts. it was kinda relaxing. we didn't smoke until the last fifteen minutes. it was a pretty good way to spend an hour.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
I am gettin my ass to Richmond!