monovox

Depression is something that I have dealt with my whole life, but I have a hard time admitting to myself when I am in the midst of.

Throughout my life, I have always had to be the strong one and it is hard to break that, even when it is no longer true. Unfortunately, it is usually at a breaking point before I can look...
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Depression is really stupid. It makes no fucking sense at all.

ASS, I say!






At least the sun is out for a little peak, I am off on a long motorcycle ride to try and clear out the cobwebs...

and the sludge,

and the...

and now for something completely different...



so fucked up... seriously tears came and everything. Well, tears combined with with beer coming out my nose... but ya.

It's funny where you might find yourself at times in your life. You know, your walking down the warm familiar street that is your life and all of a sudden everything is different...no longer warm and familiar. No familiar landmarks. Nothing comfortable nor inviting. only the foreign and cold where home use to be. You walk and walk and it's all different. You realize that...
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I am done in and undone. I am tired. pace, pace, back and forth. brain lungs battered and weeping from abuse. brain screams white noise, fuzzy patterns partially formed, dissipating when touched. no sleep, no respite. same old story. same old tune.


blah, blah, blah.

Santa Fe, NM.

I moved from Santa Fe to Portland 16 years ago. This is my first time back. I thought that I was prepared for the changes, but I wasn't. got a bit cranky last night after driving around searching for anything familiar... It is just a different town. I mean, what did I expect after 16 years? After all, part of the reason...
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I am in Monument Valley, Arizona tonight. The ride today was amazing. Thuncder and lightning storms all around me, but never got rained on. Made for a much cooler day as well. Tomorrow I think I am heading through the park and towards the 4 corners area before heading to santa fe. It's been a very long time since I have been back (since I...
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I am in the desert of southern utah by Zions national park. It is very beautiful, I miss the living in the desert, but the people in utah would drive me nuts. I was going to move on tomorrow, but in a systems check of the motorcycle, the tires were getting pretty worn. I could probably get a couple thousand more miles out of them,...
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1200 miles down beautiful Hwy 1. From Portand across and down to LA. It was an amazing 3 day motorcycle ride through some of the most amazing scenery in the country with one of my best friends. the only downside is we packed for warm weather as most of the country is in a heat wave, yet we froze our asses off most of the...
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I am in SLC after a grueling 14 hour straight though motorcycle ride yesterday. Discounting the hours of rain and hail coming through the gorge, It actually was a fairly great ride up to problably hour 10-11. At that point we were past the point of no return and my brother really wanted to get to our destination to meet his daughter. I felt that...
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I am preparing to travel to Salt Lake City this Saturday...going to be there for about a week. I dread that state... having spent a good number of my formative years struggling under the religiously oppressive mind fucking that goes on there. It still creeps me out. Though, I hear that SLC is more progressive these days. I am even having good luck tracking down...
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I sit here intensely and overwhelmingly sad.

I spent the night on another date that reminds me how sad and lonely most people in this world truly are. I wanted to reach out and affect this for this person, only to realize that I am not much better. I have nothing but empathy to give her.

later, I broke down... sitting on my porch, empathy...
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