I'm sick and tired of losing friends to insecure pieces of shit and how angry it make me feel.
I understand that in this particular situation I'm going to have to eat this anger.. but friendships are hard to build because finding people that don't judge me and actually do appreciate my willingness to help is very hard. Rebuilding it again after walking away because of him in the first place (to give them space and not be an issue where she'd have to make a choice) makes it even harder to deal with losing her again. 3rd time she blocked me. 1st time was a joke, second time because I got pissed and took a step back.. and now because he told her to.
She forgives him for being a dick and he then turns around and tells her to delete me. How else am I supposed to feel. Having to ask a mutual friend if she knew what the hell was going on should actually make me feel humiliated. But I'm just angry. I'm thankful to the mutual friend and I'm thankful for the closure such as it is... But having to willingly go a few days thinking I might have actually done something (which I'll freely admit there many good reasons we shouldn't be friends)... Not like this.
The part where that little voice says see you should have just committed to walking away and just cut your loses now (back in November and now) because she's gone and it's out of your hands (being echoed by my landlord after I explained the situation as calmly as I could).. it's fueling so much anger. I don't know how I'm going to work through this again just being discarded.
It's reactions to situations like these that remind me that I'm old. That I'm not depressed. But just facing certain adversity and that I can function. Either I limit how much I try to help people and be even more careful who I accept to help.. or continue letting this shit happen over and over.
3 minutes after posting this there's an update on Instagram. I'm going to assume it's directed at me.
It's funny how I almost saw someone commit suicide today and did everything I could to help.. and end up feeling this empty inside.