So.... where to even start..
Bigo has these little communities.. It doesn't take long to notice them when you start using the app because people will have symbols in their names. Because some of them are seemingly just decorative it can be hard to recognize them as group tags until you see the same tags on other people.
It has been a few months now that I've been using Bigo. I've come to behave the same way I do on other social networks (Xbox Live and PSN), where I said fuck it and started deleting useless people.
I have 3 accounts. LZIM, which is the general account I'm on, Dom, which I'll appear on if LZIM is unavailable or already present, and Bael, the super secret stalker profile.
I'm a shitty stalker such that in the 3 last times I've visited Broadcaster's Live Broadcasts (Lives) who know me as LZIM or Dom, they outed me in a couple of minutes because of how I behave. Not that I tried to hide, it was just You're LZIM! before I say so.
Now.. Before getting into the relationship counseling.. (two times tonight).. there was the weirdness (that wasn't relationship counseling related).
I appeared in Soojung's friend Sana's Live. I like to blow kisses at Sana because she's cute and funny. When Soo soo sees me blowing kisses at Sana she gets jealous so I blow kisses at her too. Because they happen to be in the same room it's more about the laughs than anything else.
Except that I don't have Sana added as a friend.. because Sana hasn't added me.
You have 3 lists. Friends, Following, and Fans. Under friends you'll have people you're following that also follow you. So under Following and Fans are then, respectively, are the bigo users (they are called Bigoers by Bigo, but no one calls them this) you are following (should just be broadcasters), and the people that are following you. Why anyone would follow you if you don't broadcast is beyond be.
BUT after using the app for a while, I'm assuming here.. you'd develop friendships with people that might not broadcast live and as such might you might only interact with them through the apps adequate user-to-user chat system. I don't because I strictly interact with them during live broadcasts or failing that, as it hasn't yet happened, I would add them on Snap, Facebook, IG etc. Something external and more robust.
I explained to a few people as I don't need to have you added if I'm going to be in a live and you'll also be there. I just delete anyone that adds me that isn't a broadcaster and I'll follow back the broadcasters that followed me first.
This avoids the having to beg the broadcaster to follow you. I hate seeing it. People just appear and demand to be followed.. or they try the ultimatum of follow me and I'll follow back. This is irritating for literal nobodies that are just collecting friends and have nothing substantial to back up interacting with them.
One the other side of that coin are the broadcasters that make me an admin (the role of a chat moderator elsewhere) right away even though I don't want it. I even have in my bio (for LZIM) to not make me admin. I either don't care or that profile is already busy enough.
I feel like I need to follow this procedure strictly to avoid my Fans and Followed list growing too big to manage. As in I shouldn't have any Fans and there's no point in Following anyone that doesn't broadcast. Sana is a gray area because she doesn't broadcast often and so there's little reason to follow her. IF I don't show up to her few broadcasts there's no reason for her to follow me. We'll see each other whenever soo soo goes live and I'm able to participate.
So it happened that Sana was live and my main two Broadcasters, Burning.Lens and Trashypotato weren't broadcasting live and I spotted her live while scrolling through the Americas reason.
I said hi and blew my kisses at her as is my wont, then at soo soo.. except the other girl in the frame but lower and off the the side wasn't soo soo.. but someone new.
Sana eventually asked why I didn't say hi to her and hit on her. My wont is to hit on chicks mercilessly.
Except..
As I told both Soo soo, who was sitting on t he couch in the background and I'd figured she was around because I could hear Sana's live coming through soo soo's phone (she doesn't wear headphones and doesn't care about the 'echo' effect), I didn't because black girls don't like me.
Sana (asian) and soo soo (black or dark asian), both balked.
I didn't mean it with any racial connotations and I don't think they took it that way either, but they didn't take me seriously.
I just tried really hard at first to make them understand that their friend, who I'd otherwise be ambivalent towards or just ignore.. It wouldn't be appropriate to try to act normally with her there.
But I did anyway.
I spoke as I normally would, told the jokes I normally would, hit on them both as I normally would.. and even tried to interact with their friend.
She wasn't having any of it at all.
Her name is Tawnee. I'm like Tanya? She got offended. Tawnee? She started getting mad. They spelled it out for me but by that point Tawnee was already set.
So I'm like Tawnee or wtv. Not trying to be mean..
I think for the next 20 minutes or so it was just negativity and vague threats to the point where both Soojung and Sana were like.. take it easy. I've done nothing to offend this girl.
I just gave up and went look Tawnee imagine for a sec you're present on their live and we (the viewers) are here to be entertained. We don't want all this negativity and open hostility for nothing especially when Both Sana and Soojung are telling you I'm an accepted person on their live. That and no one else is talking so I'm trying to keep shit going despite the negativity.
Eventually, and long after I'd had enough of it.. and that I'd already been away from Burning.Lens' live more than long enough I told them I was gonna go. I'm sure Tawnee would have slammed the door on my on my way out if there was literally such a thing she could have done.
On my return to Burning.Lens' broadcast.. pulling this back towards that topic above about Bigo communities, she'd added FS to her profile name. I was thinking to myself, like, this is new.. but didn't say anything. There's this new guy you see.. FS Brandon.. who was now admin.. A spot which I filled.. actually both admin spots because I have two accounts and am super greedy and protective of her. He's in my spot.. and suddenly I'm not admin on either account. dafuq..
But I didn't say anything.. just noted that I wasn't admin. And then was admin again but still somewhat unsettled.
It isn't like I minded at all not being admin.. It was just there's two accounts. Brandon took one spot.. who took the other one? I still don't know.. and don't really care because it was back to business as usual (doing my IT Service Desk job while white hat trolling as admin on one phone and learning German on the other.. since Trashypotato wasn't online. Still no idea why she hasn't gone online, haven't asked.)
So business as usual until a KSG shitard appeared.
I don't know why I said it but as soon as he started starting shit I'm like I don't know about the rest of them but all KSG I've seen so far as shitards. To the point where the (only other one I've seen) made me straight up quit following one of my favorite broadcasters because, again I don't know what I said it, but he'd 'poisoned' her broadcasts. It wasn't even just the KSG shitard, but her regular admin is also an asshole and she'd been guesting (adding someone else to her live broadcasts using the apps video calling like feature which lets you have 2 other people with webcams join the broadcast like a group video chat) an older black gentleman that I'd caught soliciting a 12 or 13 year old to join him on a private video chatting app because she wouldn't 'get banned' if she did things on there. I literally blacked out and didn't want to participate in that and left. Unfollowed Entropy and that was that.
Except that the KSG shitard had wondered into my domain now. Again I don't know where the hostility came from but I said KSG were shitty.
Minutes later one had become a couple and they were calling in their leader to deal with someone besmirching their reputation. In hindsight they probably meant me since I'd said their group was probably a bunch of little shits.
So the leader arrives.
Kayla (Burning.Lens a name I'd suggested as a play on her name and her love of photography she use after her original account which I'd found in the first few days she first gone live) is a straight savage. This you must understand. Even though she's young she's no ones fool and even though it felt like she was inviting trouble.. I said nothing when guested the KSG leader and one of his shitlings.
I just said that I'd sit back and enjoy myself to some popping corns. While whatever this was would blow over.
KSG Dakota, the leader.. came on and started waving his little dick around. Well the one he uses to demonstrate his big bad gangster man reputation, not his real dick as most other males guests would be waving around. He was, he claimed, patrolling his neighborhood, being that he's a big bad gang leader.
I was getting the impression though that he was a little bitch and that he was in fact not at all tough despite trying to roast I don't even know who (me I think) for calling his gang shit. He made a point of saying do not attack the broadcaster. And several times when she spoke (which later in the evenings she winds down and generally doesn't speak at all... he'd get flustered.
It actually bothers people that randomly come in to the chat because they think she's crying (she has cat allergies and curls up in a blanket and watches TV). So she's not watching the chat at all and doesn't interact with her viewers. They'll all be like why are you crying, why aren't you talking.. etc. I'll be like she's not crying, she's fine, just watch or leave or whatever. They'd be like why does she talk to you then?! I'm like as if I fucking know!?! and so forth.. but then Dakota appears and well she's engaged by him enough to chat and basically de-pants the poor kid. I figured maybe he was affected by this because he became protective of her even while still waving his little reputation around.
(I was saying that he'd need to go inside at one point where it seemed like he really was starting to like her so he could send dick pics to her because if he used his phone flashlight it would look like a toe.)
And being that she'd already had a fake relationship and a real enough one with two other dudes I was actually worried for a sec that her seeming engagement with Dakota might lead her to want to date him next.
Her live broadcast ended and when it came back on Dakota was back. Her verbally apologized to her on behalf of himself and his shitty behavior and that of his gang of shitlings.
:/ dafuq
Not much happened and it ended again.
Not knowing how long it would be offline again, since she was watching Death Note on Netflix and was really looking forward to watching it all week.. I figured she might stay offline and watch it unmolested.
NOPE.
Actually, again for no reason I can understand, while I was trying to find another live to haunt I tapped on a DUDE's live who I vaguely recognized, something I would NEVER do because I'm not into watching dudes ever.. and shockingly, but not really, voila KSG Dakota.
DAFUQ?! The odds of this are astronomical because there's probably some tens of thousands of live running and my finger happens to tap on that one randomly and I happened to not recoil in utter disgust at having accidentally entered a male's broadcast.
He's saying something about being sorry about intruding on Burning.Lens' broadcast.
What twilight zone is this in which I abide (and do nothing to escape from) such a thing.. I do not know.
I said something like you're a good dude for offering an apology.. (may your dick not resemble a toe in your snaps or something)
The broadcaster kicked me and I'm like well that happened.. so I snapped a screensnap of the apology (because it had been less than a minute) with Kayla and she wasn't surprised.. she snapped back their PMs.. I'm like it hasn't even been a minute!!!
She's back online and big badass KSG Dakota is like kayla.. kayla.. kayla..
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT CHILD?!
(because she's ignoring chat again and is watching her movie)
I wanna date you kayla.
DED
tap tap... Kayla.. Dakota wants to tell you something and doesn't understand he needs to wait for you to actually be looking at the screen to get your attention..
She's like.. wot?
Try again Dakota.
Kayla will you be my girlfriend.
The only acceptable response would be an epic earth shattering eye roll. But instead she just went back to ignoring him after emitting the softest, nearly inaudible 'no'
I mean I barely heard it but that's only because I have to have my volume up high enough to hear her. It isn't that she whispers but just that she's soft spoken while she on the come down.
So he's like.. kayla.. kayla.. kayla..
I'm like pinch nose.. rakes face with fingers.. GROW A SPINE and ask properly.
Again, she's like no. And goes back to the movie.
:O DID THAT EVEN JUST HAPPEN.
DED
He's all like.. LZIM Y!?
The fuck should I know? maybe she has good taste? Self respect?
She's like you're too gangster.
I shed a single tear.
He's like LZIM you ust help me.
I'm thinking to myself I'd drop you into a pool of sharks if I could..
But since he put the relationship counselor hat on me (and not like already hadn't been half-assedly trying to soften the blow).. I tried to burn it while it was still on my head.
It was just not going to work out and there's little to nothing I could do.. or would be willing to do else. Sorry. NOT EVEN SORRY.
He dejectedly accepted that he wasn't being thrown out but he hung out a bit longer.
Eventually after another restart of the live He's back on with some other dude.. and at this point he understands the do not disturb her she's watching her shows nature of the broadcast.. but he's like I'm just watching her. NO bro no.. noooooooo that's creepy. You don't WATCH HER while she's not even paying attention to the phone.. and you especially don't SAY you're watching her after she totally emasculated you AND rejected you..
By the time I got home from work it had wound itself down and he was pretty much already and afterthought. The thought being I'm glad she didn't actually accept his proposal because it is entirely likely he was just trying to score some wins.
It had gone like. I've already fucked 15 girls, I'm like :|.. then he's like 10-15 girls.. I'm like :\ then he's like 5 I met from Bigo Live because it's so easy to score chicks on Bigo.. I'm like :/
Facepalm.
To.. kayla.. kayla.. kayla.. WHAT!?! please date me.. ffs
She went offline again but this time to wind all the way down and eventually go to sleep.
So I'm left to my own devices.. YEAH.. it's hard to find things to do when I'm left alone.. SO.. into another live.
The other day a broadcaster, who I thought her profile picture looked cute, was sitting on the floor with a microphone calling for people to try being hypnotised.
I SHIT YOU NOT
wtfe I've got nothing better to do.
She was saying something like those are the 4 rules for getting hypnotised by me.. is anyone willing to volunteer?
I'm like sure. BUT what were those rules again?
that you're preferably not alone, that you're in a safe place and can fall without hurting yourself, that you understand not everyone can be hypnotised because it requires being open to suggestion.
Although none of those apply to me I'm like wtfe lemme at least keep this.. show.. going because I wasn't expecting anyone else to participate.
I'm like ok so rule 5. this isn't clothing optional.
I'm being serious asking this.
She's like yes.
Since she didn't kick me I doubted that (she was serious).
But went on to suggest further rules like, participants must be fluent in english so that they'd understand her instructions.
Because keeping her focused and engaged had removed the other volunteer.
I pained myself to get up, turn a light on and find clothing. Accepted to be guested and put on a set of headphones to hear her better.
She went into her amateur hypnosis performance and I'm like.. internally a kitteh batting at a string while I have my eyes closed, halfassedly trying to relax despite a large ice cap still very effectively keeping me awake.
Despite the chemical motivation to ignore everything she was saying I was trying to relax and maybe 30 more minutes and I might have started to relax enough to be open to suggestion. Whatever thing they string was attached to would have fallen and killed my internal kitteh..
She did her 3.. 2.. 1.. and you'll wake up fully under my control. When you awake you'll be watching the most hysterical movie you've ever seen. I'm not really into comedies though.
I waited a second and then shrugged and grabbed a cookie and chomped on it.
She was smooth in her disappointment in her failure to wrest control of my inner mental kitteh from that string thing.. so I tried suggesting that it was Bigo's fault and not hers. That she'd need a better app to call people on that was more reliable.
She promptly ended her broadcast.
Today when I popped in there's already a guest.. but the guest is mute.
I'm like batting at a string internally again.. and just watch for a few minutes.
The guest (female) is touching at her bangs. I'm mentally noting this and ask about if the bangs are real when the broadcaster says something about her boyfriend.
My mental kitteh stops batting for a second and is like what boyfriend? that's a girl.
She's like my guest is my boyfriend.
I'm with my internal mental kitteh in my utter befuddlement and I'm like THAT'S A DUDE?!
She's like yes.
The guest this whole time is mute and impassive.
WHAT TWILIGHT ZONE is this in which I abide by this foolishness?!
It's bigo my inner kitteh replies and returns to batting at the string thing.
So to assure myself of 35 years of relative sanity.. I check the guest's profile. All of the pictures are definitively female.
Right.. so I'm just going to eat popcorn for a while until this shit starts making sense.
Like.. the guest is obviously female and I'm male.. and the broadcaster is female (and hot).. and what the fuck is she calling her guest 'him' for and why is she calling 'him' her boyfriend.
My inner kitteh just whispers she crazy. I'm like which one. It is like yes.
Right.
The broadcaster (which I'd noticed in her profile the day before) is talking about going out to meet her boyfriend and how they are going to have a great time together and is asking what she would need to bring with her.
Alert.
I asked.. first rl meeting. Broadcaster was like no. I'm like ok then wtv.. back into a passive mode.
I'm still all attention at this point though. Tossing the metaphorical popcorn away so I could pay closer attention.
Then the guest makes a V symbol with her fingers and licks lasciviously, lecherously at the air between them.
Sprung. And I mean this is despite the gender ambiguity elephant in the room and that she 'him' isn't particularly attraction by any stretch of the imagination. Even though I'm not a chick.. if I was a chick I'd be sprung.
At some point, probably here, as the tension as pretty heavy already I suggested they move off to Skype. The broadcaster said they did Skype privately.. and as that tennis ball sailed over the guests side of the video chat, she adeptly returned it.. still mute.
I'm like if you video chat then why does is there so much sexual tension here?!
I was sprung regardless but more from the jealousy of the situation given that the broadcaster was apparently oblivious or actually an idiot.
I tried to gather up my metaphorical popcorn again while half-paying attention to the conversation.. Or such as it was since the guest was still mute and the broadcaster was prattling on about her trip out across the country to visit her guest.
The guest grabs at her 'his' chest and, still mute, really drives home the thickness of the sexual tension.
The broadcaster is all like I know! I will make it up to you when I get there in November or some shit.
I'm like November!? you're on a video chat do something now. My inner kitteh agreed.
Then the guest typed something in chat about being a sex addict. And that she was feeling.. what's the word.. disabused.. disappointed.. that she'd 'he'd wasted her trip across the country to visit the broadcaster and nothing had happened.
The broadcaster was prattling on about being sorry for having wasted the opportunity to have had something happen.
I slapped my forehead pretty loudly and was probably never going to find all my metaphorical popcorn now.
Plus I'd probably expressed how jealous I was of the guest and how much I deeply empathized with her 'him' for the wasted trip. And at that point I'd already expressed how shocking it was that she 'he' could have had so much self control around someone so apparently willing to be boned into another dimension. Cause that's what I was looking at. Basically a cougar and a utterly oblivious kitten.
I started to relate somewhat with the guest at this point and wanted to help out. The broadcaster continued to prattle on about being willing to do anything to please her guest.
Anything you say..
Anything.
Her guest went cam off for a sec and came back topless.
I'm like..... (because even though she's not attractive.. um the fuck is going on?!)
And tried to convey to the broadcaster that she does not understand what's happening.
I don't even understand what's happening because through my interference the mute gender issue (for me) sex addict is topless.
I'm like look. STOP PRATTLING ON about bullshit and lets focus on the guest is topless and you're not and that's not fair to you guest.
She's like oh yeah..
(you of course understand what's happening in the chat at this point and my interference is TOTALLY for the benefit of the guest.. not my own pathetic, non-existent selfish motivations..)
You're right.. she leave the frame for a minute and comes back topless.
My inner kitteh is laying on its back foaming at the mouth and twitching at this point from how incomprehensible this situation has become while I'm still calmly trying to get this silly girl to play.
Her guest, whom I'd come to assume was mute so as to avoid encouraging idiotic assaults on her gender choice.. was being rather clear and was playing along so I was really trying to help by way of translating raw sexual desire into English.
But there's simply no helping some people. So again I suggested they go private video call each other on Skype. The guest typed something about Skype wouldn't work at this point (phone battery was dead.. which I interpreted as NOT NOW but certainly she doesn't mean Skype wouldn't work at all to resolve the tension. The further comments about she 'he' having blue balls.. and her being topless.. I mean..)
How the fuck dense is this girl. I'm imagining just how ferocious this cougar was planning to be if her incredible self-restraint was any indication of her discipline. This little kitten would be torn apart. Ravaged. Willingly or not.
I'm, that dude standing in the room with a couple of lesbians going at it. For a visual aid please watch one of my favorite movies, Sex Monster (1999) with the gorgeous Mariel Hemingway, Mike Binder and Renee Humphrey (and also Missy Crider).
So the guest typed into the chat that she would dress up for the broadcaster. I'm sure the other viewers were annoyed with this because they would have wanted to see bother ladies more or completely naked. The lurid chats were flying by too quickly to pay attention.
She comes back on in a suit.
I'm like. Alright she's trying to play.
After something like ten minutes we finally convince the broadcaster to play too and take her turn dressing up to alleviate the current blue balls situation we'd created.. on top of the existing one that he'd been uncovered earlier.
She was so fucking dense and didn't really understand that ANYTHING at this point would help.
I'd given up and really felt for the guest at that point and really was willing to have her call it and go to sleep.
The broadcaster started prattling on about sending a photo for the guests eyes only tomorrow.
I had to chime in that it was already tomorrow and that Bigo does have an internal chat feature that does get used all the time to send private photos..
Nothing..
As jealous as I might be that she'd eventually get to be hands on and tonsils deep into that thick girls probably delicious snatch that I shouldn't be thinking about at all.. I don't understand how she could tolerate waiting.. OR just a random snap or two here and there.
AND I thought was all..
While I was trying to wrap this up another one of the Bigo girls came online.
She's like guess what. I'm like what?
She like I'm pregnant.
Now.. for the real impact of that you have to know her story.
Her story is that she's 13.
Her story is that her boyfriend is 19.
Her store involves him taking her from her home, in a care he's not registered to drive, he had sex with her.
He got pulled over by cops that probably weren't even going to ask him about her without probable cause to do so.
He's dumb enough, despite the above, to run.
In a car.
With her, AND another child in the back seat. (that one wasn't buckled in)
The high speed chase ended in a car wreck. Which caused sever injuries to her neck.
Although she didn't die.. she's got to live with those scars. Thankfully she wasn't paralyzed (although I'm not convinced of that because I've only ever seen her sitting or laying down at rest).
But.. to top it all off.. she's pregnant.
He got taken in and will be spending something like 7 years in prison.
I'm like I don't even know where to go with this.
She's like do you have an Xbox?
I'm like yep. Do you?
She's like no.
I'm like do you want one? I wouldn't mind stretching my non existent finances to buy her one, but I do have a 360 kicking around that she can have.
She's like I'm not telling you where I live. I'm like I didn't ask but I am willing to figure something out like lemme just have it sent to your school and you can pick it up there.
I'll let her think about it.