So my Twitter horoscope for the day said something about not taking any risks today..
"Monday, September 5, 2016 - You must revisit the lesson of self-restraint today or suffer the consequences of an ill-fated impulsive decision. It's more advantageous to improve what you already have going now, rather than rushing off to start something new. The Moon's shift into your 6th House of Daily Routine reaffirms your need to eliminate emotional distractions and concentrate on the basic necessities of life. Leave the grand gestures and earth-shattering epiphanies for another time. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."
I'm just going to say that in the last few months these twitter horoscopes have been insanely accurate and helpful. I think only 1 wasn't applicable.. but the scariest thing is that I'm only reading them as a guy I knew (from real life) posts them randomly to twitter. Either HE knows me too well which is impossible.. or they are actually very accurate.
But the point is the horoscope itself made me stop. I thought about it. Mulled it over. Let it play for a while. Then I read it again to get any deeper meaning. Its probably there and I should probably take it to heart. But that moment came and it really tried to convince me of something.
To which I said fuck it yolo. Originally and very impulsively that was a fuck it I know better but I'm only going to live once.. let me pick up and pack up and find something new to do. I'm bored of mistakes and misunderstandings and trying to justify who I am to myself and to other people. It's pointless. It isn't right that I can get a foot in the door and have it get slammed in my face so often.
As far as Ark, that decision is something that's ingrained by a great many deaths on the old Island, but more about the progress and accomplishments that followed. There's not much point in building too much up and not exploring your surroundings because at some point something will come along and kill you anyway. You have little choice but to yolo.
I don't know if that is compounded by my horrendously bad luck but dozens of raptor depredations later.. I just don't give a fuck (for even complaining about them specifically to the tune of this fucking game is broken, these devs are deviants why me.. etc). I either revive and start over whatever specific little goal I was working on.. or I take a break from the game before I get mad. Which I really haven't. Again I don't know if it is just rote acceptance of this is Ark.. or the Disaroono.. or if I'm really at that point in my life where I just don't care.
My Morellatops and I are about as close as I was with The Little Trike that Could since functionally it is the same animal. Would that I had realized sooner how easy they are to tame and how reasonably cheap the saddles are.. I would have tamed one much sooner. But in the spirit of Yolo I've instead explored the near map more and have learned more about playing the game on PC.
I'm not as comfortable as I would like because for whatever reason the controls and dealing with the application in a Windowed Fullscreen setup across 3 panels (now two because I'll be raiding in Destiny on PSN with Fangetta this week to help someone else out) the game just doesn't behave well.
But it does well enough. After taming the Morellatops.. like TLTTC.. the game is much easier. I can gather berries and kill many more creatures than I could have on foot. I mean I don't think it's intentional but some dinos can mount or smother smaller creatures due to a size advantage which makes then much easier to kill. Even with a beaked herbivore that's supposed to be weak and timid unless it is in a a herd. I'm like are you serious?! I park it on top of or as best I can get her to mount my target and just let her have her dirty way. I was actually shocked at how effective the strategy is, since I only used it in the old Island with Ankylos to kill Trilobites. I mean once you have a TRex and then a Giga nothing fucks with you anyway. Starting over means remember how to dominate creatures larger than yourself and you best tame. But until you have something that crushes everything else.. like a Giga you still need to protect that tame.
After getting her though it feels like I could survive an entire day in this DLC. Which I still don't think I've managed.. For shame I suppose but more like I'd rather take risks and deal with set backs than sit there mining rocks and shit all day.
AND more importantly the progress.. and having people to talk to on Discord.. and even more suddenly putting time on Destiny again.. is helping.
Sadly I've visibly started to drain my Disaronno and need to promise myself I'll only need the one little bottle. It might be helping me to sleep, and to continue to Yolo in Ark and in life. I told her it was like the Disaronno picks up the rope and pulls for me for a little while. Gives me a little break. Enough to think about stuff and want to plan or just do things because Yolo.
Again.. seeing progress and just seeing things is helping.
Until I yolo'd too far out from the relative safety of the South canyon I started in.
From looking at the map it seemed like the area was pretty small. And given it is lethal for 3-4 hours each and every day.. My options were limited and depressing. Build up.. which I've done anyway to two floors in a bigger wooden shelter in order to park/hide the Morellatops.. and eventually, like in the next hour or so once I have a well or two set up.. I'll build an adobe complex.
But looking ahead to all that work I said fuck it, yolo.. hopped onto her back and rode out.
And down.
And found some water. And decided to murder a Doed for old times sake by luring it into a lake. Or more like a puddle that was too deep for it to reach the bottom.
For some reason.. murdering Doeds is a highlight. I'd feel bad for it.. since they aren't attacking my base.. not as much as the hordes of raptors are.. but in principal I had to ensure the technique was still sound and my ability to lure a Doed to water and drown it humanely.. or close to it was still sharp.
That deed done I moved on and out of the canyon/valley area of the south.. and immediately regretted it.
The horoscope had been pretty clear.. stick to what you have. Don't take any risks.
I went too far and and realised I needed to turn back before nightfall.
But on the way back I ran into yet another raptor. The shit managed to slip behind my Morellatops and was having its way on her ass.
I rage quit then. Half because fuck that guy and fuck this fucking games and all these fucking raptor assholes.. and half because something else had come up.
A few months ago I started following someone on Twitch.. and of course I was intrigued. She didn't mod me herself.. she was encouraged to do so by someone else. Either way I tried to make the most of the opportunity. However she's intriguing in that she's professional enough and passionate enough about streaming that she almost doesn't need me.
But shit happens and unfortunately I can't help the way I normally would.
At the very least I can help by supporting a fundraising effort. Going to be playing Destiny raids and maybe enough people will donate to get her the equipment she needs to get back to streaming.
I feel bad about it because.. fuck it yolo. I know she needs the equipment and CAN and wants to stream.
But something like what the horoscope said.. and more imminently I'm unemployed and have little desire to do anything about it right this present second.. I don't want to make another huge investment in yet another Twitch streamer. No matter the circumstances.. I don't know how many failed efforts (where little is achieved despite investing time and money) I need to be part of before I learn a lesson.
So what about yolo'ing it?
I want to.
But maybe my old bones just don't care anymore because I can hear them saying they don't mind if I toss the money I don't have in.. so she can get started again. There's just no impulse to do it or it would be a done thing.
In Ark.. where arguably I shouldn't compare.. but where the consequences of yolo'ing it are constant and often catastrophic.. I do.
But this decision.. which up until this decision.. I would have just selflessly given of myself.
But not this time.
Maybe the Disaronno is helping more that I care to admit because I'm not even second guessing it. If there's simply no impulse to help beyond my means.. there must be a reason. I can do a mediocre job as a mod.. Even when and if I get a job. This break is perfect because I could find a job right now and be ready when she's up and streaming again. Maybe it's just obvious that she's strong enough to help herself and that's what the problem has been all along. Just be a mod. Just be a friend. And listen to her because she said and repeated very clearly 'don't do anything crazy'.