Wow, it's been a long time since i've written anything here...it's kind of a funny thing, normally when I join a community (in this case I'm referring to SG as a whole) I go all out and spend a lot of time finding out about it and getting involved, but I really haven't done much of anything here...I don't even have a proper user pic yet...well then again, I don't have anything against people with userpics of their cats or whatever...but ultimately I'd like to have a picture of myself on here or many...preferably with some friends.
Some things I just need to get off my chest:
Lately though I have been spending more time here, I've also been feeling lonely, and just sort of lost. Maybe lost isn't quite right...I know who i want to become, and I think I know most of what I want and need...but I feel discouraged; I feel that everywhere I go I have to hide myself, or at least hold back things I want to do or say. I understand that this isn't unique and that thousands if not millions of people do this everyday, really, maybe most every person in the world does; regardless, that doesn't make it any more pleasant, infact in some ways it makes it more unpleasant.
I respect some of the people I encounter daily, on some level...but, even they're either sexist (whether they want to admit it or not), or xenophobic in some way.
The only problem is, I know that a few of these people have very good qualities aside, that I wish to have...I am hoping to develop these qualities by being around them, but more importantly they have other things to offer that I actually need. Like a way to pay rent cheaply so that I can save some money and take care of myself.
Of course these are the only real reasons I'm around them, because i'd rather be around people I really respect and want to be like, rather than ignorant, manipulative, self-centered etc. people, and if it weren't for the fact that right now, I need these things, I wouldn't be.
I have all the answers, well perhaps that's overconfident to say. I believe I have most of the solutions to the problems I'm currently having. I mean a lot of things are pretty straight forward, like, if you don't like your friends, get new ones. Which isn't always easy to actually do, but not hard to figure out what the necessary solution is.
Anyway, i've just been getting very depressed having to be around these people all the time. It almost makes me wish I lived alone in a cave and that I have plenty of food and quiet, so I could practice and develop a martial art on my own terms with all the time in the world. Of course I know what I really need is to be around intelligent friendly people who have at least an interest or two similar to mine who aren't sexist or assholish in some way.
I also need to get out and do some fun things, but I need to save money. So perhaps SG message boards are a good solution for the moment? Afterall funny people brighten my day, well actually my night and morning to be accurate.
Now that I think about it, probably part of my problem is that my sister is not around. She is the one person who understands me the most, she and I are completely honest with eachother about everything. That's important to me; honesty is.
But since she isn't around for me to depend on her as a sole source of good in my life, I think I should really take this opportunity to develop my social skills and become a social butterfly, even if I embarrass my self a bunch first. It really is time I embraced the family benefit/curse of being charming (no braggadocio intended).
Now that I've cleared my head, and sorted some things visually, I feel a bit better.
Some things I just need to get off my chest:
Lately though I have been spending more time here, I've also been feeling lonely, and just sort of lost. Maybe lost isn't quite right...I know who i want to become, and I think I know most of what I want and need...but I feel discouraged; I feel that everywhere I go I have to hide myself, or at least hold back things I want to do or say. I understand that this isn't unique and that thousands if not millions of people do this everyday, really, maybe most every person in the world does; regardless, that doesn't make it any more pleasant, infact in some ways it makes it more unpleasant.
I respect some of the people I encounter daily, on some level...but, even they're either sexist (whether they want to admit it or not), or xenophobic in some way.
The only problem is, I know that a few of these people have very good qualities aside, that I wish to have...I am hoping to develop these qualities by being around them, but more importantly they have other things to offer that I actually need. Like a way to pay rent cheaply so that I can save some money and take care of myself.
Of course these are the only real reasons I'm around them, because i'd rather be around people I really respect and want to be like, rather than ignorant, manipulative, self-centered etc. people, and if it weren't for the fact that right now, I need these things, I wouldn't be.
I have all the answers, well perhaps that's overconfident to say. I believe I have most of the solutions to the problems I'm currently having. I mean a lot of things are pretty straight forward, like, if you don't like your friends, get new ones. Which isn't always easy to actually do, but not hard to figure out what the necessary solution is.
Anyway, i've just been getting very depressed having to be around these people all the time. It almost makes me wish I lived alone in a cave and that I have plenty of food and quiet, so I could practice and develop a martial art on my own terms with all the time in the world. Of course I know what I really need is to be around intelligent friendly people who have at least an interest or two similar to mine who aren't sexist or assholish in some way.
I also need to get out and do some fun things, but I need to save money. So perhaps SG message boards are a good solution for the moment? Afterall funny people brighten my day, well actually my night and morning to be accurate.
Now that I think about it, probably part of my problem is that my sister is not around. She is the one person who understands me the most, she and I are completely honest with eachother about everything. That's important to me; honesty is.
But since she isn't around for me to depend on her as a sole source of good in my life, I think I should really take this opportunity to develop my social skills and become a social butterfly, even if I embarrass my self a bunch first. It really is time I embraced the family benefit/curse of being charming (no braggadocio intended).
Now that I've cleared my head, and sorted some things visually, I feel a bit better.