Monday Feb 02, 2004

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I've always thought suicide and all of it's weak, attention grabbing attemps were pathetic and weak.

But today is one of those days I can empathize. Death doesn't sound too bad.

I'm a case study for Murphey's law.
echofonic:
i don't really know you at all, so forgive me for piping up and posting... words from a stranger, no matter how kind or empathetic, should always be taken with a a grain of salt...

...but having just gone through the toughest year of my life (when i felt very much the same way as you've stated above), i guess i just wanted to post some kind words in hopes that maybe they'd put a sunnier spin on your current state of affairs.

so, drawing a clue from your username and a certain favorite author of yours, i offer you this:

in times like these, try to remember what Alobar found written in the dust on the mantle:

erlichda

sometimes it's not so much what happens to us as it is how we take it.
the_mad_monk:
There have been many times in the past were i've looked at a knife and wondered if i should use it on myself...or someone else!!! i generally just put it away and move on. Life is to interesting to me, even when it's shitty!

Friday Jan 30, 2004

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A very specific nightmarish focus in my dreams is back with a vengence and driving me insane. I was plagued with these dreams for 2 weeks at the end of December and thought I had them all cleared out of my head, but surprise....a certain someone has a starring role again, every night. Playing little games that make me wake up crying and put a...
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vader_____:
That is why I use a shitload of sleeping pills wink
the_mad_monk:
Dream Catchers don't make them go away they sorta filter out the really bad stuff, and before you ask, I don't know way they don't just call them Dream Filters!


I pretty well like all of John hughs films!!!

Tuesday Jan 27, 2004

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I'm so fucking excited. Tomorrow I'm buying a ticket to fly one of my best friends here in about three weeks. The last time I saw him was the two days we first met--and that was 5 1/2 years ago.

I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!
escapegoat:
is the boy yer flying in the one with dreads?

Friday Jan 23, 2004

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Well......things are looking up. I'm not depressed anymore. And no longer fridgid. And back to being pretty much happy every day, and staying busy instead of sitting around crying. I'm about to be loaded. That's always good. And a six year long wish came true this week. Twenty years in the making, all for me. Me, me, me. Time to think about me. Not you.
vader_____:
It is good to hear you are doing better!!!

Monday Jan 19, 2004

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Seattle was fun. Sometimes I wish I could move back there, but I'm stuck in Portland for good, for reasons I won't go into.
I saw a good band called Go Like Hell who are playing at Grand Central Bowl on Morrison this Wednesday night around nine. You should go check them out.
daddiesgirl:
us too. jagerfairy and i cannot stop singing it, now matter how hard we try.

i'm sure you can get into that parka. no problem. and i have a feeling that parka is pretty worth getting into.

it was great to meet you this weekend. come back and play soon!
jagerfairy:

had a fine ass drunken , punk rock ,skirt peein' time with you last weekend ,

but more importantly................



what happened Wednesday night????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

details please........................



wink

Thursday Jan 15, 2004

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In this half-hearted, wayward attempt to be happy for a few hours, I figure I'll go to Seattle for a night this weekend. I can attend to Phoebe on his first night in Seattle and see Omar. Who is as cozy as I wish anyone could be right now. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll have yummy breakfast with my other friends after what is hoped...
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jaime:
I hope you are having a fabulous time. You deserve to have fun!
twwly:
i quite enjoy shenanigans.

Monday Jan 12, 2004

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One step forward, two steps back.
Still dead.
And now it's not just saddness, lucky me; my hostile, hateful side is coming out.
Who ever said life is short is wrong. Life is fucking looooooong.

P.S. three hours later.........one of my best friends, my oldest friend, actually, told me tonight he is moving to Seattle this weekend. He was just supposed to go do a...
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vader_____:
When you think things can get no worse BAM they do!
Such is the cruel joke called life- it sucks to lose friends that move away and there isn't anything you can do about it. frown
jaime:
Yeah, that totally sucks. I wish we could hang out...I hardly have any fun myself. I still need to call Phoebe. He probably hates me just like everyone else does right now.

We both know that when it rains it pours...& we're both sick of getting soaked!

Thursday Jan 08, 2004

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Lame, lame, lame. Those of you living in Portland know what I mean. I've been trapped pretty much in my house for the last 3 days, as the outside is covered in about 8 inches of snow with an inch of ice on top. I couldn't get out of my driveway if I tried. Nor could I get the ice off of my car, most...
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daddiesgirl:
awww, you poor thing.

all i have to say about that is that he sounds like he doesn't deserve to be the keeper of the only medicine.
jagerfairy:

I so hope things get better in your world lovely lady.

Thursday Jan 01, 2004

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For a time today I actually had fun. The first I've really had in practically a month. It's a regular winter wonderland here. I had a snowball fight and made snow angels. The whole bit.
It's crazy when it snows in Portland. Everyone freaks out. But I'm used to driving in three feet of snow so it cracks me up when no one will go...
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combatible:
love/hate lots of things ... photek is good though
jagerfairy:
hey lady!!!!!

yeah , I know , I can't believe I actually posted either..............

(grips chest and falls to the floor)

anywayzz , all's good up here.

the weather is pretty cracked out , but not as bad as down there I don't think.

the little woman and I have been layin' low and drinkin' wine by the fire.

how you?????

Wednesday Dec 31, 2003

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Maybe I'm just getting older (than most people on here, anyways) or maybe I'm just jaded.

But I think New Years is stupid and it sucks.

Big fucking deal. I have to catch myself from writing 2003 for the next three weeks before I remember it's a

New Year.

I'm too bitter. Who gives a shit?
thread_killa:
I don't think celebrating New Years is stupid, but I do agree that the way most people celebrate it is pretty dumb. Yeah, getting "older", I don't want to part of the whole "event" anymore. Just reflect on the past and share dreams of the future with a few close friends. Do you live in Northeast PDX? I used to have to sleep behind my bed on New Years, to avoid stray bullets from the neighbors!
vader_____:
New Year's blows-- especially if your year sucked who would celebrate another one coming to kick people's ass
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