And I'm writing about it here because, frankly, I've no one else to talk to about it. I'm living a secret(ish) life.
I always had trouble with romantic relationships. So about 2 months ago I decided to try something new I decided to join Fetlife to both work out some sexual frustration in an open setting and to practice my relationship skills, or lack there of.
I've talked to and met a number of lovely women and as things stand at the moment I've got 3 ladies with "A" names in ongoing relationships of one form or another. A1 (to keep things anonymous) is 10 years my senior, a sub, and has offered to be a sort of friend/mentor in the BDSM lifestyle. A2 (also 10 years older, no I'm not only into older ladies) is currently a long distance flirty friend, and she's in a loveless marriage... A3 is 10 years younger than me and we begun a non-monogamous Daddy/babygirl relationship.
I care about all three of these women but in different ways- A1 is a real friend, that I get to tie up and practice bondage techniques on, and we talk about life and shit and she's a good listener and I enjoy spending time with. But she's older with a 15 yo kid and so that's that. Not exactly platonic (she does touch my penis ;) ), but there's no real romance there, nor a committed future.
A2 I started talking originally because I liked her tits and she liked the attention I was giving her. I wasn't until after we started texting that she informed me she was in a loveless marriage. I'm not a home wrecker, so our relationship has been weird. We flirt, she's a bit of a tease, but I haven't been the best friend to her because I wasn't sure what my intentions were with her. We've since talked about that, "cleared the air", and I think we're going to sort of start over and "see what happens". I'm not gonna lie, I really want to fuck her brains out... She's smoking hot, everything I've fantasized about in the MILF arena, but I can also tell she is damaged and I don't want to fuck her over. So at this point I'm less concerned about fucking her and just trying to be a better friend. She's over 3 hours away so who knows what could happen.
A3 is an adorable little slut who seems to really dig me and calls me Daddy. We've only know each other for about a month, only seen each other 3 times, hooked up once, but we really enjoy each other. I told her upfront this wasn't going to be a serious committed relationship and she's poly so that's that. Or so I thought, I feel I'm in dangerous territory with her- I could very easily develop real feelings for her (as in fall in love), and I think she could for me as well. But I want kids one day, she's had surgery to make that impossible. I'm monogamous in the serious relationship, she's poly. And we have different value systems, beliefs, politics, etc- most of which we've kept to ourselves cause for our current arrangement those things don't matter, but longterm those things are deal breakers.
Then comes A4. I'm not making this up. All "A" names. FML. A4 I met through Bumble. And she's amazing. I won't give out any details about her except to say that she's absolutely adorable, she's strong, smart, independent, sexy, adorable, cutest voice (IDK why that's a turn on for me), she cusses like a sailor, did I mention she's adorable? And more. Literally everything I want in a WIFE!!! Totally wasn't expecting to meet someone like her just yet. We aren't a couple yet and if we ever become of I have a feeling its going to be a slow process, but it'd involve disclosing too much info to explain why.
I'm not sure what's going to happen. All the girls from Fet know that I'm single and just trying to learn about kink and myself and making some good memories. A1 knows about A4- like I said A1 is a good friend and give good advice. A2 doesn't know specifically about other women in my life but knows there are a few. A3 knows that I know a couple other girls from Fet but no details. A4 doesn't know that I'm into kink and certainly doesn't know about A's1-3. Nor will she ever... And to be honest, if we started an official serious relationship tomorrow, I'd cut all ties immediately except with (maybe) A1- that relationship would just become strictly platonic...
I'd love to hear opinions on this. I'm not necessarily looking for advice and I'm not trying to justify anything. I've never been in a situation remotely like this, and like I said in the beginning- this is the only place I can think to say any of this.
Thanks for reading