I never knew how many paintings I had done in the last few years until I randomly started counting them in my head on a bike ride. If I count all the little ones and murals....plus the normal size acrylics and watercolors.....over a 1000. I reached my mark. I have painted as many as Frida Khalo. My legacy of paint I feel is hardy. I remember being a very suicidal art school kid and thinking to not do anything drastic because I need a hardy amount of paintings to leave behind. I don't know why I fixated on Frida's number or Van Gogh's but it kept me going.
I'm happy now amazingly. I never imagined I would be able to be happy and paint. It feels so abstract to be that way ever again. Now I'll spend hours looking at sets trying to find the right pose that really grabs me and explodes with colors. I feel so alive when i paint....nothing is comparable. My life when i'm a painter not painting is beautiful too. Alec gets me so well and I get her. Me sit and watch movies and play games and at the end of the night if I didn't paint I can wrap my arms around her and rest. It feels so rare. I just don't think 10 years ago that me could of pulled all this happiness off.
My Rheumatoid Arthritis is slowing me down in this heatwave but I'm surviving and Alec is helping me grab hold of things and take my meds. I'm a little embarrassed of the outbreaks it brings out. It goes away every couple of days. I'll be all right though.