I'm filled with so much WANT. It's such a struggle to keep myself feeling thankful and gracious, but material things have such a strong hold on my mind and they make me so happy. Lol. They aren't mindless wants though, I never feel guilty about wanting what I want, but I do wish there was a little less want, and a little more money. ;P I want some new plugs/tunnels, a nice Nikon or Canon DSLR, good running shoes, and a new phone. I'd like a new laptop too, but not as much or as soon as I'd want the first 3 things. I'm looking into a new job that my friend is working at and he's convinced me not only that I would be good at it, but that it is a great job. Minimum wage, full -time would be better than my job, now though. Not that I'm not grateful for it, or anything like that, I am just so sick of the lack of communication, having to report to 5 different people and having them spring things on me last second. "Oh, can you stay another hour?" 2 minutes before I'm supposed to clock out, then comes the guilt trip and the subtle threats. It's childish and stressful and I just need to be in a better environment. And one that is going to allow me to express myself how I see fit. I have a story to tell and if I choose to tell my story through my tattoos and piercings and hair coloring, I should be allowed to do so. I think I've just come as far as I can with this job, it's served me greatly in rougher times than now and it has helped me grow and learn a lot. However now I feel myself being wasted and am angry with wasting my own time. I'm ready for something new, at the very least and if it turns out to be as great as I think it is, then, I won't have much to worry about anymore.
All of this would've been avoided if I'd only listened to my mom and dad, but I grew up a lot faster than I would've in that case. I know how to handle my own place and bills and the responsibilities of an adult because I made the choices I made. So I can't say I regret my decisions in any way, shape, form or fashion, and because of it I finally have the relationship with my mother that I always wanted. She's my best friend and if I have to do without sometimes, and struggle and stress for her to be my best friend, then, it's worth it. However, I will not mistake that worth for an excuse to stop my growth, because if there's anything that's true about my mother it's that she doesn't like to see me or anyone she cares about wasting their potential. So I'm gonna start putting up a real fight, because I don't like losing, especially by forfeit.
All of this would've been avoided if I'd only listened to my mom and dad, but I grew up a lot faster than I would've in that case. I know how to handle my own place and bills and the responsibilities of an adult because I made the choices I made. So I can't say I regret my decisions in any way, shape, form or fashion, and because of it I finally have the relationship with my mother that I always wanted. She's my best friend and if I have to do without sometimes, and struggle and stress for her to be my best friend, then, it's worth it. However, I will not mistake that worth for an excuse to stop my growth, because if there's anything that's true about my mother it's that she doesn't like to see me or anyone she cares about wasting their potential. So I'm gonna start putting up a real fight, because I don't like losing, especially by forfeit.