Social worker: do you feel safe here?
Me: how can I measure my safety? I don’t think anybody has a clue. I attract a lot of trouble that’s for sure. But I don’t think anything has really changed from before, I think I just idealise the past — things were better in the past. That’s such a dangerous thing because it’s not true, things have always been shit. It’s just now, now that I’ve held a mirror up to society, minds are slowly being opened to change. People are starting to see the potential. Things seem bad right now because all of a sudden people are aware of difficulties we never worried about before. And we feel trapped. And that creates an asphyxiation — a sense of hardship that’s difficult to overcome. And mostly I think a sense of isolation. The thing is, I feel just the same as everybody else. But it’s easy to hurt someone. And it hurts. And so I react with anger and try to hurt them back. They know it’s getting to me and they like that, it helps them out, don’t ask me why because I don’t know. It’s a vicious cycle. Ultimately, I can’t fight the whole world all the time, I need to find a way I can learn new skills and contribute to change again — so I’m not the enemy anymore. I’m not a bad person, I’m just stuck in a hole.