foz

I'm sorry but how the HELL did she get that email? Fucking annoying. Some things are not for the one you talk about to hear becase they will not understand it, and just feel really bad. I'm sorry. I hope things will work out for you.

Also, thanks for the very kind things you posted about the crazyness that went on recently. Today's been a much calmer day, even if things are still hard as they are, with my brother who can't almost walk, I have to help him all the time, and my mom also being in pain right now, problems with a knee, and I'm exhausted because I still can't sleep very well. Da da damn. But I'm OK. Tomorrow I'll try to go on a long walk finally... it's been crazy weather the last two days.

I'm sorry that your girl is in pain. To be honest though, men say things that they don't mean all the time. Sometimes right to your face. A mature girl needs to not take an email, that you sent in privacy, to heart. I'm sure that it was painful for her, and I would understand her pain if I were in her shoes. But she doesn't need to turn it into something so completely intense. You were venting and trying to work things out in your head and sometimes when we write things that make us upset and mad, we realize that those things aren't always true. An example I can make for this is, the guy I dated for 2 years, you've read about him in the journal. I was, for the first time in two years, giving him shit about not hanging out with me on the last night we'd be able to see each other for an entire month. Keep in mind, I waited for a few weeks for him to finish finals and start up a new job and I was patient. But instead, he wants to go to a birthday party for a friend (who is female I might add, but I didn't point that out). I was upset and I told him that it wasn't fair. His reply to me was, 'see, this is why I'm not datiing you..because I can't make certain commitments" Now, I was livid by hearing this because he very well knew that we had something together that was very close and intimate and it was driving me crazy that he wasn't taking things to the next level (not that I was pressuring him to do so). But in reality, he said that to push me away because he felt guilty that he wasn't doing right by me. In the end, I didn't let myself get hurt by this, because if you get mad about every little thing a guy says, you're dumb. I have certainly wrote enough "unsent" angry emails to ex's and if they ever saw those, I dont think that the friendship I now share with them all would exsist. But once I said it, it was out of me and I realize I don't really feel that way about the PERSON, just the particular experience that I hadn't really dealt with. Also, to be honest, you seem generally remourseful about the things you wrote, and it seems you've conveyed that to her as well. Guys NEVER applogize to me for the things they say. Maybe that's just me but I would let it go, it's not fair to hold things over people's heads, it's just as bad as the pain you caused her. Hopefully, your relationship isn't always like this because it's going to be a long and bumpy road.

I'm doing better, time heals all wounds. That and guilty-"are you okay?" phone calls from the uncommitmentable boy...hahaha But I'm taking a break from drinking ...I don't want to drown my sorrows

Im sorry about that. It's unfortunate that the person that you are with can't handle this site. I hope your sex life together isn't as constricting

too bad you're leaving, seemed like one of the rare cool people on here....

Thank you Foz, I know what you mean. I try not to analize too much. My mother is a hippy and she's always told me that when I get too caught up with someone that I should make sure that I focus on myself and it'll keep my mind. I guess the thing is that I've been on and off with the same guy for 2 years. I go out and date because he hasn't really made a commitment to me and I get my heartbroken by some other guy and come back to him. But the closer we get the harder it is not to want to be with him on a more substantial level.

Well said!! Hope it works out for you.

You might dig this cd, I've been listening to it all week:

http://www.parasol.com/labels/hiddenagenda/aha074.asp

i believe he is just going to get dumped. fuck golf.

happy new year.

i have dreams of strangling the Deerhoof chicky,

did you have your new years day breakfast party? i ate an egg sandwich with xmas ham and bacon on it.

Yoco is a UK-based online car-modification magazine: yoco.co.uk the people from which I've met because my boyfriend has done some artwork for their site. It's all quite funny really as I have never owned a car and know absolutely nothing about them, but I'm sure to learn now.

[Edited on Dec 23, 2005 7:34PM]