Something that has been milling about in my head of late. Changes come and go, but I think we must all change in order to make it through life. I wrote this for the Thinking Atheist podcast and am sharing it here.
I was brought up in a semi religious family in central Kentucky. We attended a Southern Baptist church twice every Sunday and most Wednesday nights for bible study. By the time I was 13 years old I was completely indoctrinated and spent every spare moment I could reading the bible and trying to talk to everyone I could at school about Jesus. I often stood in the hall in high school with my bible and felt I was doing the right thing by "teaching the word". I even organised a youth choir in the small church and organized picnics and parties for people to bring their non-believing friends. By the time I was 16 I had started to ask some difficult questions about my religion, but my pastor had no answers other than to say "you shouldn't question the word of God". So I began to read other books and learn about my own religion and the history of where the bible really came from. I was very shocked and eventually lost my faith and read about other religions as well, thinking that I still needed some type of religion in my life.
I spent the next three years reading everything I could get my hands on, the quran, the tora, books on buddhists teachings, books on hinduism. I found out one of my close friends was actually a pagan and began to talk to his family about what that was all about. After a few years I decided I was a pagan and spent the next 17 years of my life as a pagan. The group I was with had a very eclectic view and encouraged me to read and learn as much as I could about everything. However, the last several years I had been having doubts about even this. I realized that I had fled from christianity due to the dogma and went to another religion with a less restrictive dogma.
During this time, I went to school and became a nurse and worked in a small local hospital. I kept my views to myself for the most part, even my wife at the time did not know my secret religion. I found the fact that when the medical staff had done great things and saved someones life, people never offered a word of thanks to us. Working long hours and in difficult conditions and having to listen to people give thanks to a god I did not believe in for saving their loved one was very disorienting to me. I respected their beliefs however. I was often asked to pray with family members and even had someone try to proselytize with me while their loved one was dying.
I eventual realized that I had no real faith and had not in many many years. I have spent the last year deconverting myself from both my christian background and the dogma of the paganism that I had been taught. I remain active in projects that promote self awareness and environmental stewardship but now without any dogma attached. As a nurse, I see the horrors of what people do to each other, thankfully not on a daily basis, but seeing this, I know there can be no all loving all forgiving god that would allow these things to happen.
Thank you so much for doing the wonderful work that you do.
I was brought up in a semi religious family in central Kentucky. We attended a Southern Baptist church twice every Sunday and most Wednesday nights for bible study. By the time I was 13 years old I was completely indoctrinated and spent every spare moment I could reading the bible and trying to talk to everyone I could at school about Jesus. I often stood in the hall in high school with my bible and felt I was doing the right thing by "teaching the word". I even organised a youth choir in the small church and organized picnics and parties for people to bring their non-believing friends. By the time I was 16 I had started to ask some difficult questions about my religion, but my pastor had no answers other than to say "you shouldn't question the word of God". So I began to read other books and learn about my own religion and the history of where the bible really came from. I was very shocked and eventually lost my faith and read about other religions as well, thinking that I still needed some type of religion in my life.
I spent the next three years reading everything I could get my hands on, the quran, the tora, books on buddhists teachings, books on hinduism. I found out one of my close friends was actually a pagan and began to talk to his family about what that was all about. After a few years I decided I was a pagan and spent the next 17 years of my life as a pagan. The group I was with had a very eclectic view and encouraged me to read and learn as much as I could about everything. However, the last several years I had been having doubts about even this. I realized that I had fled from christianity due to the dogma and went to another religion with a less restrictive dogma.
During this time, I went to school and became a nurse and worked in a small local hospital. I kept my views to myself for the most part, even my wife at the time did not know my secret religion. I found the fact that when the medical staff had done great things and saved someones life, people never offered a word of thanks to us. Working long hours and in difficult conditions and having to listen to people give thanks to a god I did not believe in for saving their loved one was very disorienting to me. I respected their beliefs however. I was often asked to pray with family members and even had someone try to proselytize with me while their loved one was dying.
I eventual realized that I had no real faith and had not in many many years. I have spent the last year deconverting myself from both my christian background and the dogma of the paganism that I had been taught. I remain active in projects that promote self awareness and environmental stewardship but now without any dogma attached. As a nurse, I see the horrors of what people do to each other, thankfully not on a daily basis, but seeing this, I know there can be no all loving all forgiving god that would allow these things to happen.
Thank you so much for doing the wonderful work that you do.