So today is the day that I send in everything for my candidacy review for my MFA program through SCAD. I am so fucking nervous about this that I have been sitting here, at my desk, procrastinating so much as I can for the past two hours, to not send shit in. It is all ready to go, but I am so fucking nervous that I really don't want to send it in. Let me run down the process as I am pretty sure it will happen.
I send in my portfolio, my candidacy review brief, my literary briefs, and my MFA Thesis exhibition cost estimate in to my panel of FIVE people, a Ms. Jaclyn Cori Norman, Mrs. Liz Darlington, Mr. Craig Stevens, Mrs. Lynn Wright, and Mr. Lee Bareford, who will, for the next week, look at, analyze, pick apart and put back together everything that I send them, and form as many questions and other shit that they can for next Friday, March 3rd, candidacy review. I will be sitting down at my computer, much like I am now, where I will log into either Skype or Blackboard Connect, and be faced with these five people questioning every decision I chose for this project and even some decisions that I did not go with, for about 30-45 minutes, and then they will log off and talk shit over for about 5-10 minutes, come back on and tell me if I have passed or not.
Yes, this is similar to my 15 hour review, but unlike that review where you can do it as many times as you can to pass, the Candidacy review is only a two time chance, where if you don't pass it by the second time, you are kicked out of the program. That is where I am scared. My current teacher for the class the photo arts class that I am taking (and who is also on the board) Liz Darlington said that I SHOULD pass, that she puts the chances at about 90%, but that there are always that odd question that will be asked to try and throw me off or what have you.
I am so fucking nervous, that I have been sitting here for the past two hours, procrastinating on sending it in. I really don't want to be kicked out of the program and I know that there is a chance that I will not pass the review, and the horrible history that I had with the 15 hour review (it seriously took me three times to pass it. The third time I took it I just didn't give a shit anymore and I think that they passed me out of pity to be honest) that I am afraid that I will not pass this review the only two times that I can take it and will be kicked out of the program...which would be the end of the world for me since I am scheduled to be done in November...like seriously, my last day of classes for my MFA program is November 16th, 2017.
I just have to get the courage to do this...to send in everything and then become an alcoholic for the next week and then die a week from today...
Shit.