Its been a while.
Nothing much has changed, in my atmosphere, but mentally and emotionally the world has inverted.
I have become a contradiction.
I have fallen in love with a friend. We are together a lot, but I don't have the nerve to say or do anything. So I am just here, listening and imagining. We talk, we vent, we hang out, sit next to each other, everything that would be essential, except for one thing.
The contradiction.
Every time I am near this person my body goes into this frenzy, like this numbing feeling and pressure in places I didn't know I could extend that feeling to. I am used to this sensation in one particular area, but with this human, I feel it everywhere. It has taken a lot of self restraint and facial composure to not be obvious.
I haven't been the type for random hook ups, but I find them quite necessary now. I need it.
My inside and my outside are in battle. My inside is famished for this person, making it a necessity, but since I am a coward I cant satisfy it. I am choosing the physical side and just calm the frenzy. But I must be honest, I am still starved.
I am determined to let this person go. I cant be in love, it is not meant to be. One of these nights, and I pray for this, that one of these people will finally satisfy both sides of me and bring me back to one piece, then I can forget this person, and may be I can live in some sort of peace.
Find me peace, find me peace!
If it was just this starvation I have put me through I think I might live pretending, but now I am becoming possessive. This person can not be mentioned in a sentence with another's name, because I feel an explosion of jealousy in my chest, if it was a quiet explosion I would be able to suffer it all alone, until its gone. But I cant, I become defensive and at sometimes violent. This person brings the crazy and the unnatural in me. I feel cave like. Animal like. I don't like it. I cant fathom the idea that while I am in need of this person, someone else is enjoying the touches, the kisses, the whispers that should belong to me.
On a not crazy note, I joined instagram, by the same name, buenoandy, and I started insanity. Let me tell you it is insane!
Nothing much has changed, in my atmosphere, but mentally and emotionally the world has inverted.
I have become a contradiction.
I have fallen in love with a friend. We are together a lot, but I don't have the nerve to say or do anything. So I am just here, listening and imagining. We talk, we vent, we hang out, sit next to each other, everything that would be essential, except for one thing.
The contradiction.
Every time I am near this person my body goes into this frenzy, like this numbing feeling and pressure in places I didn't know I could extend that feeling to. I am used to this sensation in one particular area, but with this human, I feel it everywhere. It has taken a lot of self restraint and facial composure to not be obvious.
I haven't been the type for random hook ups, but I find them quite necessary now. I need it.
My inside and my outside are in battle. My inside is famished for this person, making it a necessity, but since I am a coward I cant satisfy it. I am choosing the physical side and just calm the frenzy. But I must be honest, I am still starved.
I am determined to let this person go. I cant be in love, it is not meant to be. One of these nights, and I pray for this, that one of these people will finally satisfy both sides of me and bring me back to one piece, then I can forget this person, and may be I can live in some sort of peace.
Find me peace, find me peace!
If it was just this starvation I have put me through I think I might live pretending, but now I am becoming possessive. This person can not be mentioned in a sentence with another's name, because I feel an explosion of jealousy in my chest, if it was a quiet explosion I would be able to suffer it all alone, until its gone. But I cant, I become defensive and at sometimes violent. This person brings the crazy and the unnatural in me. I feel cave like. Animal like. I don't like it. I cant fathom the idea that while I am in need of this person, someone else is enjoying the touches, the kisses, the whispers that should belong to me.
On a not crazy note, I joined instagram, by the same name, buenoandy, and I started insanity. Let me tell you it is insane!