I went flat-line on the floor before the ambulance arrived. They pumped at my chest, shoved a breathing tube down my throat, stuck a catheter up my dick. Wheeled me to the ICU. Resuscitated and stomach pumped all the meds out of my gut. A plethora of tubes sticking into my arms, a myriad IV's. I come to with my entire family standing around me staring at me with rapt attention. I give them a smile because I feel strangely awkward on my death-bed/life-bed.
Immediately 5150'ed. Knew that was coming. Took a 2 1/2 hr drive in the back of a non-sirening ambulance driving at normal speeds. Sent to psych ward because of my little stunt. Make it through my three days, but get 5250'ed. Damn. 2 more weeks in that hell-hole. Luckily get out a little early with good behavior and being a good boy and taking every cocktail of meds they give me to 'stabilize me'.
Got home this evening. Exhaustion - emotional, physical, and psychological.
I am no longer afraid of death, nor dying. There is no bright light. No tunnel. No pearly gates. No family waiting. No out of body experience. Nothing but darkness, utter and complete. And yet so peaceful and serene within. The weight of the world off your shoulders. Restful sleep...
Yet here I am, and I continue to write words across the interwebz in this plane of existence. What a trip Life & Death is.
Immediately 5150'ed. Knew that was coming. Took a 2 1/2 hr drive in the back of a non-sirening ambulance driving at normal speeds. Sent to psych ward because of my little stunt. Make it through my three days, but get 5250'ed. Damn. 2 more weeks in that hell-hole. Luckily get out a little early with good behavior and being a good boy and taking every cocktail of meds they give me to 'stabilize me'.
Got home this evening. Exhaustion - emotional, physical, and psychological.
I am no longer afraid of death, nor dying. There is no bright light. No tunnel. No pearly gates. No family waiting. No out of body experience. Nothing but darkness, utter and complete. And yet so peaceful and serene within. The weight of the world off your shoulders. Restful sleep...
Yet here I am, and I continue to write words across the interwebz in this plane of existence. What a trip Life & Death is.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
If Im gonna go down the spiral of depression, its gonna happen whether I'm being a perfectionist or not, lemme tell ya.