I have always been drawn to the desert. I dont know what is more fascinating to me, the desert or how I am mysteriously drawn to it. Youve heard me mention Tucson, about going there someday. I dont even know if Tucson is someplace Id like to live, all I know is that it is in the desert. I feel I am meant to live in the desert, maybe even in a trailer on a desolate five acre spread not unlike the one in Raising Arizona. Somewhere out a potholded two lane road with sagebrush where even the dirt appears to be dead. Can you understand this? Not loving the desert necessarily, but just feeling drawn to a place. The other place I am drawn to is Humboldt County in Northern California. Everytime I take a weekend trip up there I think to myself, I belong here. I never felt that as strongly in Petaluma or even Sacramento and the feeling to lay down roots was pretty strong in both places. I could see having a modest little house or even in trailer in both places and making the two day trip every month or two, just shuttling between houses. I think Ill end up in the desert, though, Im pretty sure of that.
Saturday night. Kings versus Denver. Dave and I walked over to Sam and Jens to watch the game. I was preoccupied, really needed to talk about a certain situation, but there were a lot of people there and I didnt want to bring anyone down. Dave and Hank were talking about dating, how it can be hard for a nice guy to have someone in their life. Nice guys and nice girls have the same problems. It makes no sense and yet it makes perfect sense. I either needed to be in a small group where I could really talk or be alone so I slipped off at one point.
Heeeyyy, motherfucker!
A voice from further down the alley. An all too familiar voice. Jim Morrison strode out from the shadows, bottle of something in a paper bag clutched in one hand.
I am the lizard kingIll drink everything, he looked up at the moon. Gravitys knots, pulling the tides closer to land in silver streams of light and we are born to surrendering water.woooo yeaaaah, suck my mama!
With a scream he threw the bottle into a parking lot where it shattered.
Great, Jim.
Not great, but not bad. The corner store is still open. Hey, he clapped an arm around my shoulder. You look down.
I want to go to Melissas karaoke thing, but Im worried there will be tension between Amy and I and I dont want to ruin things. Not just that, but I dont want to be in someones house who hates me, thatd just be weird, you know.
Yeah, yeah, he rasped. But, this isnt about Amy and it isnt about you, is it? Its about Melissa, am I right?
Yeah, you are--
Course I am, he sniffed. Now pick up your feet, were goin to the corner store gonna have a real goood timmme.
The staff at Famous Burger knows me now. I walked in and the guy who works the register said, Cheeseburger and fries, right? I have not only cut red meat down to once a week, I am trying to be vegetarian one meal a day. This is hard for me. I am a carnivore. I am all about the flesh. Sometimes I think its my bodys way of telling me I need to eat more meat, not less, but Im probably just looking for excuses.
I shaved my head yesterday afternoon. It took about two hours and I cut myself bad enough to leave a scar. I was shaving away when the razor filled with hair and then got caught on yet more hair and ripped into the skin. It oozed blood for an hour. I still cringe when I think about it.
My boss called me at one in the morning, either late Sunday or early Monday. I just took the call and tried not to act perturbed, not in this job market.
I was thinking about your new filing system, she said in an unreadable tone. Ive been thinking about it the last twenty minutes.
Do you have a problem with it?
Do you like butter?
Im not sure what you mean
Did you ever wonder if how skin looks when it glistens with sweat is how it would look if you rubbed butter over it?
Maybe you should try it.
Rub butter over my naked body? No, right now I need to see what I think about your new filing system. Have you been drinking tonight?
Two glasses of wine.
Good boy. You are a good boy, arent you, Jody?
Yes.
Well have to work on that.
Do you need a temporary employee that will bow and scrape without shame? A temp that will mewl with joy at your very presence? One that is so desperate to please they will wet their drawers at the first sign of displeasure? Then you need to call Indenture Temps. Weve got a wide selection of brown-nosers, boot lickers, and ass kissers. What they lack in skill and intelligence they make up in an almost cloying desire to please. Indenture Temps: We want to be your temporary staffing solution.
Morning. I am running late as always. I am curious to see how people react to my shaved head.
Thats pretty drastic, my boss smirks before looking off to a point roughly a thousand miles to my right. Just like heating the butter in the microwave before you spread it.
The Bird Lady is next.
Hey, you dont have any hair.
What? I look as bewildered as possible and begin feeling my head. Oh my, God! Whats happened to me? What sick fucker did this?! Tell me! For the love of God, TELL ME!
Thats nice, the Bird Lady nods. Todays a good day for soup.
I keep thinking about the ants in our kitchen as I go through our clients files. Ants. Lots of ants. I wiped them up but am certain theyll be back tomorrow. Were also out of milk. Ive been out of milk for a couple of days and have been debating the importance of buying more. On one hand, we need calcium for good health and strong bones, (does osteoporosis just effect women, or men as well?). On the other, we are all lactose intolerant to a degree. I mean, I was weaned well over thirty years ago, why the hell am I still drinking milk? Not just that, but its milk from another animal. I dont know, Ill probably buy more milk tomorrow. I dont want to be one of those old people on their fifth hip replacement by the time they retire, the kind that crack a tibia if they get caught in a stiff breeze.
Will someone please tell me why I have the theme from Shaft stuck in my head??
I dont know if I can do this bald thing. Im not feeling too confident about pulling it off. Maybe Im not use to it, but I dont think my head is the right shape. The thing is, I am losing my hair, at some point in the future I will only be able to manage the Ring of Hair with some scragglies on top. I dont want to be a Ring Guy. Maybe I should just keep it short and invest in a couple of nice hats. I definitely see some hats in my future.
Mr. Ives is holding court again for the 67th consecutive performance of I am Older Than Dirt and I Know Everything
Tired of employees full of energy and unable to sit at their desks like good drones? Tired of the chit chat, the lollygagging, the jump up johnnies. Let Indenture Temps fill your temporary staffing needs with Mr. Ives. Mr. Ives has been around longer than written language and will suck the vitality and pep out of any room with his endless monologues. Soon your regular employees will be too listless to do more than fulfill their required tasks and drink more and more of the coffee youve spiked with mind altering drugs.
This digital camera is a wonder, Mr. Ives hitches his thumbs in the front pockets of his jeans and basks in the spotlight for a couple of beats. The timer is so sophisticated, if I knew aliens were about to abduct me again, I could set the timer for say five hours, which was how long it took them to transport me onto the mother ship, and stick the probes up my ass.
Do you think I could stab someone with this? Manny the Culvert Troll is brandishing a candy cane he has meticulously licked into a very sharp point.
Only if you targeted very soft tissue and drove it in with a vengeance, I replied without thinking.
Great. Real swift thinking giving Manny the Culvert Troll that kind of advice. Sure enough he walks off chuckling and stabbing the air with Santas own shiv. Manny is somewhere in his early twenties, Latino, several inches shorter than me but stocky. You can tell he grew up in some hood or other, cutting worms in half and throwing gang signs while still in grammar school. I could see him beating kids up for their lunch money then opening his zipper and flashing them.
Hey, brat; you like all day suckers? Then why dont you suck on this all day?! Hahaha!
A jovial menace surrounds Manny like the lazy fog surrounding our office.
Do you think Im a pervert, man? He chuckles at one point. Do you think Im a psychotic pervert?
Manny shakes his head and picks his nose. Does he expect me to answer? The sharpened candy cane comes out of a trouser pocket. It is covered with ants. Why do I get the uncomfortable feeling his legs are covered with ants.
You fucking with me, esse? I asked you a question?
I dont know you well enough to judge you, Manny. Why do you ask?
Nothing, his eyes glitter like mad stars. Nothing, man.
Saturday night. Kings versus Denver. Dave and I walked over to Sam and Jens to watch the game. I was preoccupied, really needed to talk about a certain situation, but there were a lot of people there and I didnt want to bring anyone down. Dave and Hank were talking about dating, how it can be hard for a nice guy to have someone in their life. Nice guys and nice girls have the same problems. It makes no sense and yet it makes perfect sense. I either needed to be in a small group where I could really talk or be alone so I slipped off at one point.
Heeeyyy, motherfucker!
A voice from further down the alley. An all too familiar voice. Jim Morrison strode out from the shadows, bottle of something in a paper bag clutched in one hand.
I am the lizard kingIll drink everything, he looked up at the moon. Gravitys knots, pulling the tides closer to land in silver streams of light and we are born to surrendering water.woooo yeaaaah, suck my mama!
With a scream he threw the bottle into a parking lot where it shattered.
Great, Jim.
Not great, but not bad. The corner store is still open. Hey, he clapped an arm around my shoulder. You look down.
I want to go to Melissas karaoke thing, but Im worried there will be tension between Amy and I and I dont want to ruin things. Not just that, but I dont want to be in someones house who hates me, thatd just be weird, you know.
Yeah, yeah, he rasped. But, this isnt about Amy and it isnt about you, is it? Its about Melissa, am I right?
Yeah, you are--
Course I am, he sniffed. Now pick up your feet, were goin to the corner store gonna have a real goood timmme.
The staff at Famous Burger knows me now. I walked in and the guy who works the register said, Cheeseburger and fries, right? I have not only cut red meat down to once a week, I am trying to be vegetarian one meal a day. This is hard for me. I am a carnivore. I am all about the flesh. Sometimes I think its my bodys way of telling me I need to eat more meat, not less, but Im probably just looking for excuses.
I shaved my head yesterday afternoon. It took about two hours and I cut myself bad enough to leave a scar. I was shaving away when the razor filled with hair and then got caught on yet more hair and ripped into the skin. It oozed blood for an hour. I still cringe when I think about it.
My boss called me at one in the morning, either late Sunday or early Monday. I just took the call and tried not to act perturbed, not in this job market.
I was thinking about your new filing system, she said in an unreadable tone. Ive been thinking about it the last twenty minutes.
Do you have a problem with it?
Do you like butter?
Im not sure what you mean
Did you ever wonder if how skin looks when it glistens with sweat is how it would look if you rubbed butter over it?
Maybe you should try it.
Rub butter over my naked body? No, right now I need to see what I think about your new filing system. Have you been drinking tonight?
Two glasses of wine.
Good boy. You are a good boy, arent you, Jody?
Yes.
Well have to work on that.
Do you need a temporary employee that will bow and scrape without shame? A temp that will mewl with joy at your very presence? One that is so desperate to please they will wet their drawers at the first sign of displeasure? Then you need to call Indenture Temps. Weve got a wide selection of brown-nosers, boot lickers, and ass kissers. What they lack in skill and intelligence they make up in an almost cloying desire to please. Indenture Temps: We want to be your temporary staffing solution.
Morning. I am running late as always. I am curious to see how people react to my shaved head.
Thats pretty drastic, my boss smirks before looking off to a point roughly a thousand miles to my right. Just like heating the butter in the microwave before you spread it.
The Bird Lady is next.
Hey, you dont have any hair.
What? I look as bewildered as possible and begin feeling my head. Oh my, God! Whats happened to me? What sick fucker did this?! Tell me! For the love of God, TELL ME!
Thats nice, the Bird Lady nods. Todays a good day for soup.
I keep thinking about the ants in our kitchen as I go through our clients files. Ants. Lots of ants. I wiped them up but am certain theyll be back tomorrow. Were also out of milk. Ive been out of milk for a couple of days and have been debating the importance of buying more. On one hand, we need calcium for good health and strong bones, (does osteoporosis just effect women, or men as well?). On the other, we are all lactose intolerant to a degree. I mean, I was weaned well over thirty years ago, why the hell am I still drinking milk? Not just that, but its milk from another animal. I dont know, Ill probably buy more milk tomorrow. I dont want to be one of those old people on their fifth hip replacement by the time they retire, the kind that crack a tibia if they get caught in a stiff breeze.
Will someone please tell me why I have the theme from Shaft stuck in my head??
I dont know if I can do this bald thing. Im not feeling too confident about pulling it off. Maybe Im not use to it, but I dont think my head is the right shape. The thing is, I am losing my hair, at some point in the future I will only be able to manage the Ring of Hair with some scragglies on top. I dont want to be a Ring Guy. Maybe I should just keep it short and invest in a couple of nice hats. I definitely see some hats in my future.
Mr. Ives is holding court again for the 67th consecutive performance of I am Older Than Dirt and I Know Everything
Tired of employees full of energy and unable to sit at their desks like good drones? Tired of the chit chat, the lollygagging, the jump up johnnies. Let Indenture Temps fill your temporary staffing needs with Mr. Ives. Mr. Ives has been around longer than written language and will suck the vitality and pep out of any room with his endless monologues. Soon your regular employees will be too listless to do more than fulfill their required tasks and drink more and more of the coffee youve spiked with mind altering drugs.
This digital camera is a wonder, Mr. Ives hitches his thumbs in the front pockets of his jeans and basks in the spotlight for a couple of beats. The timer is so sophisticated, if I knew aliens were about to abduct me again, I could set the timer for say five hours, which was how long it took them to transport me onto the mother ship, and stick the probes up my ass.
Do you think I could stab someone with this? Manny the Culvert Troll is brandishing a candy cane he has meticulously licked into a very sharp point.
Only if you targeted very soft tissue and drove it in with a vengeance, I replied without thinking.
Great. Real swift thinking giving Manny the Culvert Troll that kind of advice. Sure enough he walks off chuckling and stabbing the air with Santas own shiv. Manny is somewhere in his early twenties, Latino, several inches shorter than me but stocky. You can tell he grew up in some hood or other, cutting worms in half and throwing gang signs while still in grammar school. I could see him beating kids up for their lunch money then opening his zipper and flashing them.
Hey, brat; you like all day suckers? Then why dont you suck on this all day?! Hahaha!
A jovial menace surrounds Manny like the lazy fog surrounding our office.
Do you think Im a pervert, man? He chuckles at one point. Do you think Im a psychotic pervert?
Manny shakes his head and picks his nose. Does he expect me to answer? The sharpened candy cane comes out of a trouser pocket. It is covered with ants. Why do I get the uncomfortable feeling his legs are covered with ants.
You fucking with me, esse? I asked you a question?
I dont know you well enough to judge you, Manny. Why do you ask?
Nothing, his eyes glitter like mad stars. Nothing, man.
claudia:
i have never taken the time to read a journal entry that long. kudos to you for making it interesting enough to follow along. i am a quarter russian, in fact. so there you go. i would attribute the eyes and the gair to the half of me that is persian, though. i am going to go on a hunch and guess that you don't really live in portugal. and that you're significantly older than me if you're already balding.