When I was 14 years old, during the summer between 8th grade and high school, I got a job working at my town's hardeware store, which was owned by a guy named Carl Ruebenaucher-or Ruby. Ruby was a gigantic man who smelled like cigars and only called me "kid" the entire time I was there. I don't think he even knew my real name.
I worked on Tuesdays and Thursdays -the days the new shipments came in-and Saturdays. I mostly helped stock the store. Ruby had a system, he would price the items and throw them at me and I would stock them. I would run around the store trying to remember where the Weed-B-Gone went as Ruby yelled, Hurry, Kid! We got a whole truck here to put away! And THEN wed open the basement door and hed throw bags of cement mixer, cow manure and Epson salt down the stairs to me. This little routine almost killed me every week. And the times when the bags spit open were especially delightful- if youve ever caught on open bag of cow manure you know what I mean.
Saturdays were much better. Ruby's wife, Jackie, minded the store as Carl went to wholesalers looking for more crap to sell. Jackie was a wonderful. And she also brought the kids to work: 6 year old Shawn, who was the most obnoxious kid in history, and 10 year old Matthew.
But most of all Saturdays were great because of Joline. Joline was Ruby and Jackie's daughter. She was 16, had blue eyes, Stevie Nicks hair, and the friendliest face I had ever seen on a teenage girl. Until then the only expression I had seen on a girl between 12 and 18 was eye-rolling, contemptuous boredom. But this girl was different. I fell in love with her instantly. I have no idea how Rubys genes had a hand in creating such a lovely creature, but I didnt care. She was a vision.
Joline worked ever y Saturday from 1 until 6 and I literally looked forward to these hours all week. She was 2 1/2 years older than I was, and at that age she might as well have been 35 (no self-respecting almost-17 year old blonde beauty would ever seriously consider a fat 14-year-old with braces), but I loved her all the same. I adored every minute I spent with her and somehow she made that stupid little hardware store the most magical place on Earth. I think she saw herself as sort of an older sister, and at the time that was good enough for me. She was dating a guy with a mullet named Pete who worked at the auto parts shop next door (Im not kidding), but I didnt care. For 5 hours a week she was mine.
Sometimes when the store wasnt busy, Jackie would let us go sit in the basement and talk about all sorts of things- school, parents, music. Those sort of Breakfast Club conversations when you think youre exposing all of your 14-year-old inner secrets. Or when it would rain wed sit outside under the awning out front and watch the cars drive up and down the boulevard. I loved her because her favorite group was Journey, I loved her because she cursed in front of her parents, and I loved her because she kept telling me that I should grow my hair long. She was a dream come true.
I worked at the hardware store for three years- until my junior year of high school. Things remained pretty much the same the entire time I was there. And I spent my weekdays in high school looking forward to Saturdays-because thats when I went to work. How strange. When I was 16 Joline would take me out after we closed the store and let me drive her car (which was illegal since she was only 2 years older than me). When I actually got my drivers license she was the first person I drove to see. I still have all the birthday cards she gave me.
I quit the hardware store after my junior year to take a job at Sam Goody at the garden State Plaza- and thats a whole OTHER story. That was 12 years ago and Ive thought about Joline many times since that. I heard she married Pete a few years ago, and that she had a kid a year later or so. Ive stopped in the store a few times since then, but Ive only seen Ruby l or Shawn.
Ruby'smom died this weekend. My father told me and for some reason I felt that I had to go to the wake. The funeral home parking lot was packed, but as I walked in the he was the first person . He had lost some weight and his hair was much thinner, but he was clearly the same old Ruby. As soon as he spotted me he yelled, Kid! Take the keys and open the store tomorrow! It was like I just left him 5 minutes ago. I said I was sorry about his mother and he said, Nah, Kid. Now shes in Heaven looking out for me. She's gonna send a lot of snow this winter. It's good for buiness." It was very sweet.
Then I saw the rest of the family and said my hellos. Jackie, Matthew. Shawn. The were all exactly the same, just bigger.
But I was still looking around. I turned to Jackie and said, Wheres Joline?
Right there?
Where?
Right next to Carl. She said it like I was an idiot.
It couldnt be. But it was. Standing next to Carl was a HUGE woman. At least 350 pounds and Im not exaggerating. It was Joline. She was completely unrecognizable, except that her eyes were still the same color blue. My jaw hit the ground. I walked over.
I was wondering when you were gonna come over! she said. She gave me a huge hug and squeezed the life out of me. How are you?
Im great. Im sorry about your grandmother, I replied.
She was sick. It was time. Now shes in Heaven, she parroted her father. Have you seen Pete?
Sure enough, there was her husband. The mullet was gone. In fact, all of the hair was gone, except for a droopy, handlebar moustache. And he was clearly following the same diet as his wife. Fat and happy.
Come on, lets go somewhere and talk, she said. And we did. She told me she had a four-year-old son, and she was teaching. Pete still worked at the auto parts place. She seemed completely content with her life. And after about 30 seconds I realized that she still had the same great sense of humor and we still had the same easy way of talking.
And you know what? I still had a crush on her. All 350 pounds of her.
I wanna go back to the hardware store.
I worked on Tuesdays and Thursdays -the days the new shipments came in-and Saturdays. I mostly helped stock the store. Ruby had a system, he would price the items and throw them at me and I would stock them. I would run around the store trying to remember where the Weed-B-Gone went as Ruby yelled, Hurry, Kid! We got a whole truck here to put away! And THEN wed open the basement door and hed throw bags of cement mixer, cow manure and Epson salt down the stairs to me. This little routine almost killed me every week. And the times when the bags spit open were especially delightful- if youve ever caught on open bag of cow manure you know what I mean.
Saturdays were much better. Ruby's wife, Jackie, minded the store as Carl went to wholesalers looking for more crap to sell. Jackie was a wonderful. And she also brought the kids to work: 6 year old Shawn, who was the most obnoxious kid in history, and 10 year old Matthew.
But most of all Saturdays were great because of Joline. Joline was Ruby and Jackie's daughter. She was 16, had blue eyes, Stevie Nicks hair, and the friendliest face I had ever seen on a teenage girl. Until then the only expression I had seen on a girl between 12 and 18 was eye-rolling, contemptuous boredom. But this girl was different. I fell in love with her instantly. I have no idea how Rubys genes had a hand in creating such a lovely creature, but I didnt care. She was a vision.
Joline worked ever y Saturday from 1 until 6 and I literally looked forward to these hours all week. She was 2 1/2 years older than I was, and at that age she might as well have been 35 (no self-respecting almost-17 year old blonde beauty would ever seriously consider a fat 14-year-old with braces), but I loved her all the same. I adored every minute I spent with her and somehow she made that stupid little hardware store the most magical place on Earth. I think she saw herself as sort of an older sister, and at the time that was good enough for me. She was dating a guy with a mullet named Pete who worked at the auto parts shop next door (Im not kidding), but I didnt care. For 5 hours a week she was mine.
Sometimes when the store wasnt busy, Jackie would let us go sit in the basement and talk about all sorts of things- school, parents, music. Those sort of Breakfast Club conversations when you think youre exposing all of your 14-year-old inner secrets. Or when it would rain wed sit outside under the awning out front and watch the cars drive up and down the boulevard. I loved her because her favorite group was Journey, I loved her because she cursed in front of her parents, and I loved her because she kept telling me that I should grow my hair long. She was a dream come true.
I worked at the hardware store for three years- until my junior year of high school. Things remained pretty much the same the entire time I was there. And I spent my weekdays in high school looking forward to Saturdays-because thats when I went to work. How strange. When I was 16 Joline would take me out after we closed the store and let me drive her car (which was illegal since she was only 2 years older than me). When I actually got my drivers license she was the first person I drove to see. I still have all the birthday cards she gave me.
I quit the hardware store after my junior year to take a job at Sam Goody at the garden State Plaza- and thats a whole OTHER story. That was 12 years ago and Ive thought about Joline many times since that. I heard she married Pete a few years ago, and that she had a kid a year later or so. Ive stopped in the store a few times since then, but Ive only seen Ruby l or Shawn.
Ruby'smom died this weekend. My father told me and for some reason I felt that I had to go to the wake. The funeral home parking lot was packed, but as I walked in the he was the first person . He had lost some weight and his hair was much thinner, but he was clearly the same old Ruby. As soon as he spotted me he yelled, Kid! Take the keys and open the store tomorrow! It was like I just left him 5 minutes ago. I said I was sorry about his mother and he said, Nah, Kid. Now shes in Heaven looking out for me. She's gonna send a lot of snow this winter. It's good for buiness." It was very sweet.
Then I saw the rest of the family and said my hellos. Jackie, Matthew. Shawn. The were all exactly the same, just bigger.
But I was still looking around. I turned to Jackie and said, Wheres Joline?
Right there?
Where?
Right next to Carl. She said it like I was an idiot.
It couldnt be. But it was. Standing next to Carl was a HUGE woman. At least 350 pounds and Im not exaggerating. It was Joline. She was completely unrecognizable, except that her eyes were still the same color blue. My jaw hit the ground. I walked over.
I was wondering when you were gonna come over! she said. She gave me a huge hug and squeezed the life out of me. How are you?
Im great. Im sorry about your grandmother, I replied.
She was sick. It was time. Now shes in Heaven, she parroted her father. Have you seen Pete?
Sure enough, there was her husband. The mullet was gone. In fact, all of the hair was gone, except for a droopy, handlebar moustache. And he was clearly following the same diet as his wife. Fat and happy.
Come on, lets go somewhere and talk, she said. And we did. She told me she had a four-year-old son, and she was teaching. Pete still worked at the auto parts place. She seemed completely content with her life. And after about 30 seconds I realized that she still had the same great sense of humor and we still had the same easy way of talking.
And you know what? I still had a crush on her. All 350 pounds of her.
I wanna go back to the hardware store.
VIEW 25 of 38 COMMENTS
holy moly! 3am?!?! what keeps you up till all hours of the morning?