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Bob twitter.com/bobsuicide

I’m private

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BLURB:

<?php
header('Content-type: text/plain');

echo "Starting script\n";

$url = 'http://twitter.com/statuses/user_timeline/15416379.rss'; // Get the JSON URL to your account

echo "Retrieving JSON data from Twitter\n";

$curl_handle = curl_init(); // Open up a CURL connection
curl_setopt($curl_handle, CURLOPT_URL, "15416379");
curl_setopt($curl_handle, CURLOPT_CONNECTTIMEOUT, 2); // Timeout connecting in 2 seconds
curl_setopt($curl_handle, CURLOPT_TIMEOUT, 20); // Timeout getting data in 20 seconds (since Twitter has been slow with growing popularity)
curl_setopt($curl_handle, CURLOPT_RETURNTRANSFER, 1); // Get data back

$buffer = curl_exec($curl_handle); // Execute the request and get data back
curl_close($curl_handle); // Close the connection!

if ($buffer) { // If data is returned
	$data = json_decode($buffer); // Decode JSON string

$twitter_when = date('n/j/Y g:ia',abs(strtotime($data[0]->created_at . " GMT"))); // When was last tweet posted?
	$twitter_text = $data[0]->text; // Last tweet
} else { // Otherwise
	die("Couldn't fetch data"); // Error occurred while fetching, most likely a timeout
}

echo "Generating new image \n";

//$im = imagecreatetruecolor(560, 72); // Uncomment this and delete the next line to create a blank image
$im = imagecreatefrompng("http://acetracer.com/twitter/twitter.png"); // This creates an image from an existing PNG image

$white = imagecolorallocate($im, 150, 150, 150); // Define some colors to use
$grey = imagecolorallocate($im, 201, 117, 155); // Color for side the date/time

$twitter_text = wordwrap($twitter_text,56); // Because my image is only 560 pixels wide, text can run out of the boundaries and GD library has nothing to remedy that, so this function will wrap the text after 72 characters. This may differ for your image.

$font = 'MyriadPro-Regular.otf'; // Custom font. You may use one of four or five standard fonts, but they're ugly

imagefttext($im, 14, 0, 44, 42, $white, $font, $twitter_text, array('linespacing'=>1.0)); // Write out to the image Twitter status with appropriate positioning
imagefttext($im, 10, 0, 340, 130, $grey, $font, $twitter_when, array('linespacing'=>1.0)); // Same with date/time of last tweet

imagepng($im,"http://acetracer.com/twitter/twitter.png"); // Create twitter.png
imagedestroy($im); // Free up some memory

echo "Everything done! Quitting...\n";
?>

BLURB: To edit your blurb, first select a layout setting that includes the blurb from the options at the left.

To edit the rest of your profile info, click here.

3 SETS

SuicideGirls: The Warriors: Come Out to Play

Aug 26, 2008

404

Jun 18, 2008

1608

Apr 1, 2008

336

Wednesday

OCTOBER 15, 2008 @ 11:41 AM | 3 COMMENTS

There is a streetcorner in Oakalnd...

And, that streetcorner is plagued with a virus that is runing the moral fiber of our community...

One ear at a time.

I won't show you video or audio of this streetcorner because I don't want to spread the suffering any farther than the corner of 20th and Franklin.

But, imagine--if you will--an unassuming elderly man hobbeling down the street at 7:45 in the morning...

A horde of emotions well up inside you (including sympathy, guilt, ect.) as you watch him struggle to plant his furious strides with cane in tow.

However, the one emotion that isn't present...and should be...is fear.

Besause, life as you know it is over.

That's not really an old man with a cane...it's actually this:

That's right...he's a harbinger of the apocalypse.

Because, when he gets to the corner of 20th and Franklin he begins to open his mouth and the most unholy of deamons scream from within the pit of his diapraham.

I'm not kidding...it sounds like cats in heat are dying inside the mouth of this old man to the tune of something that was once "Moon River."

And, it just so happens THAT is the sound that makes me want to punch infants.

Or...more likely...this:

One day, when I was walking to work a man stopped me and said, "That old man knows every song ever written."

This is all part of what the demon-y, old man want's you to think.

The reality is, he only know three songs:

Moon river, Ave Maria, and somethign that I can't identify, but I think Tony Bennet sang it.

The reason you THINK he knows every song in the musical lexecon...is because everything he sings sounds exactly the same...

And, none of it is disernable as English, music, or good.

The worst part? I have personally observed people HANGING HIM MONEY!!! Thusly sealing our fate to listen to this man for the rest of our lives...

'Cause, I'm SURE he's going to outlive us all.

Don't let this happen to your street corner!!!

...one listen to the horrible tones emanating from...